Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Well-Being Is Yours - But Only If You Choose It

Today's blog post is driven by two significantly less than flattering emails I received recently. By two people who have an axe to grind with me. Two survivors who clearly were dissatisfied with some of my responses. Or should I say, lack of responses.They seem to have found solace with each other. Within their own combined pain.

The fact is, I've come to understand something that was a big surprise to me when I first learned it.

I've learned that not everyone really wants to heal. Sure, they say they want healing in their lives. And on some level, they do want healing. But they're not quite ready. They still want to hang onto their hostility.

Or they have an expectation that I will make myself available to their every beck and call. That's not what I do. And I couldn't do this even if I wanted to. I get hundreds of requests every week.

And even when I do offer suggestions, exercises and/or alternative ways of thinking, the "ya but" comes into play with people who are not yet in a place where they are truly ready to bring healing into their lives.

"Ya but you don't know what my life is like." You're right. I don't know because what you cope with each and every day is your personal hell.

"Ya but you have no idea what I suffered through." True. I don't have a clue. Even though we may have endured something similar, what you lived through is unique to you. In part, because we are different and respond differently.

"Ya but he/she/they ruined my life. I'll never know who I could have been had I not been abused." This is where we part company.

No matter what you may have endured at the hands of your abuser, what you do with your life now is your responsibility. No one elses.

That may sound harsh, but it's true. You can choose to live your life as the best possible version of You. Or you can choose to live in Victimland. But you can't do both.

So yesterday, as I pondered the validity of these two nasty emails, I received an appropriate message from Abraham-Hicks:
No human would ever do anything to harm another if Connected to Source because when you're Connected, you're empowered; you don't feel insecure. And when you don't feel insecure, you don't need to do something to somebody else that you're afraid of, because you're not afraid. You understand that Well-Being is yours.
The two survivors who emailed me are still in a great deal of pain. They are not Connected to Source. They are lashing out at me because doing so gives them a sense of power. Power they didn't have when they were at the mercy of their abusers.
I reach out to people in need almost every day. Sometimes online. Oftentimes in person. But I can't heal anyone. I can show people who are in pain a healing path. I can and do offer suggestions on how they can look at things in a different way. 
But in reality, the path is uniquely theirs to walk. They must find their own way.
If you're lashing out at someone else, no matter the reason, you're not Connected. You don't feel secure. It may initially feel powerful to stand up and be accusatory. A transference of sorts. A way to make up for what you couldn't do when you were vulnerable to attacks and abuse.
But when you are Connected, you'll come from a place of true power. When you are Connected, it will be completely unnecessary to put someone else down. And this is when well-being will truly be yours. Because you'll choose it.

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  1. The hostility was me a long time ago. I was stubborn. I didn't believe that I would have to give it up to allow healing to happen for me. I don't know what finally made me realize that healing could only happen for me when I was ready to let go of the hostility. When I was ready to let go that's when my real healing started. Thank you for writing this article. It might anger people but that doesn't change that it's true. This kind of article angered me at one time but I needed to get angry. Maybe that's when things started to connect for me.

    1. Thank you for sharing, Anonymous. I too was one of those who thought she wanted healing but wouldn't or couldn't allow it in my life because of where I was at. I was one of those stubborn ones who thought that I could overcome what happened to me and still feel the hostility. But the truth is I was too attached to my anger to allow healing into my life. When the anger finally fell away, I knew I was walking along my healing path.

  2. There was a part that got me mad but there was also a part that made sense. Lots to think about.


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