tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63576888119747185942024-03-04T00:18:16.060-08:00Darlene Barriere: Author. Speaker. Coach.My goal is to inspire you, challenge your thoughts, and inform you about all things related to violence and abuse prevention.Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.comBlogger207125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-85597764848674322412015-06-08T13:30:00.000-07:002015-06-08T13:30:01.461-07:00A Parent's Fatal Mistake<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcftaCttXIYOZKDA78Q0hw-shyukx6vbisZmb199atzvgtZvikBXImL-LJ75iWmLnDBEbu5j69eTSfQ77UVnLDpdldp9rBNNUNUGaNY6U5vnfIv0JJXo_TzYBLtFX82jeLW0-6daoRZ6uN/s1600/IzabelLuxamanaBlogJune8.15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A Parent's Fatal Mistake - Izabel Laxamana" border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcftaCttXIYOZKDA78Q0hw-shyukx6vbisZmb199atzvgtZvikBXImL-LJ75iWmLnDBEbu5j69eTSfQ77UVnLDpdldp9rBNNUNUGaNY6U5vnfIv0JJXo_TzYBLtFX82jeLW0-6daoRZ6uN/s400/IzabelLuxamanaBlogJune8.15.jpg" title="A Parent's Fatal Mistake - Izabel Laxamana" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">It is always
time to pause when a child commits suicide. A time to ask why and what could we
do to prevent such a terrible thing from happening again. </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">But when a
child suicides after being humiliated on a social networking site by a parent,
it's time to ask, <i>What the hell was that
parent thinking? </i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">A week ago
last Friday, on May 29th, 13-year-old Izabel Laxamana of Tacoma, Washington jumped off the
bridge of an overpass after her father punished her, then posted a humiliating
video on YouTube of him scolding her. The original 15-second video has now been
removed. </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Were there
other issues going on in this teenager's life? Most definitely. There are
ALWAYS issues going on in the life of an adolescent. Which is what makes this
whole heart-breaking situation so disturbing. </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">The trend to
online humiliations by parents have become more commonplace in the past few
years. And there are some who hail such parents as heroes for daring to
discipline. Others who laugh at such practices, thinking them quite funny. </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">I'm not one
of those people. </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">I do not
believe it is reasonable to call this ill-advised practice "discipline".
It is not in the best interest of the child for a parent to tell the entire
world that their child messed up, and shame them so for that mess up. When
parents take that route, they fail to take into account just what is going on
in the child's life. Issues that could very easily take a child to her breaking
point, as it may have in this case. </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">We don't
know for sure why Izabel took her own life. But last year, she reportedly posted that she
felt bullied at school, which would have left her feeling isolated and
rejected. </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Home is
supposed to be a soft place to land. A place of refuge. Instead, Izabel's
father betrayed and abandoned her like no other at school ever could. By virtue
of his relationship to her, he could not have psychologically harmed her more. </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Parents are
the adults in the family home. And as such, have a duty to their children to
act like adults. Public humiliation is nothing short of bullying, and has no
place in raising healthy well-adjusted children. It is a childish act, one that
needs to be condemned in both children and adults. </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">I'm
encouraged that there has been public outcry over what this father did. But
should he be prosecuted for child abuse like some are demanding? </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">He cut off
all her beautiful long hair, then posted a video shaming her for doing
something wrong—we don't know what. His humiliating actions were ignorant, and in
my opinion, just plain wrong. Some might even call it stupid. </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">But does
what he did qualify as child abuse? </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Child abuse
charges are highly unlikely. Even parental stupidity on this grand a scale doesn't
meet the legal definition of child abuse. Not in this case. </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">This father
failed on many levels. </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">He failed as
a parent in determining appropriate discipline. He failed to see and understand
just how much of a struggle his daughter was dealing with. What's worse, is
that he failed to comprehend how his actions would pile onto the struggle she
was already ill-equipped to deal with. And now this father will spend the rest
of his days with all of this on his conscience. It is sad beyond words. </span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">I can only
hope that parents learn from this man's well-intended but tragic mistake. A
mistake that may well have been the final push for his daughter to see suicide
as the only way out.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-54559688628068614672015-06-05T13:17:00.000-07:002015-06-05T13:17:32.068-07:00Dangerous Duggar Denials<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTHEBIoSLumYCHk-Zz49ixX64H7FusJI1b0Cj6fyJKplZvmYd7TVJ8zaGYdTC6TnygRMjCWja9gMP4nwaVVC3Eldf_2eDpXKwLO6gT52vXyU9cjtxozCExhiBvvmjJ4JwRffGuw_jbHUia/s1600/Dangerous+Duggars+Jun5.15+Post.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="274" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTHEBIoSLumYCHk-Zz49ixX64H7FusJI1b0Cj6fyJKplZvmYd7TVJ8zaGYdTC6TnygRMjCWja9gMP4nwaVVC3Eldf_2eDpXKwLO6gT52vXyU9cjtxozCExhiBvvmjJ4JwRffGuw_jbHUia/s400/Dangerous+Duggars+Jun5.15+Post.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<![endif]--><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">It boggles the mind that Michelle and Jim-Bob Duggar of <i>19 Kids and Counting</i> fame don't understand
the danger they pose. And I'm incredulous that certain politicians and media
personalities, as well as many in the conservative religious community have
rallied around this family in support of their handling of the sexual crimes
committed by their then-14-year-old son against 5 young girls, including 4 of
his sisters.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">But even worse than the Duggar cavalier and arrogant
how-dare-you-all-condemn-us mindset is their near-complete disregard for the
victims of their son, Josh, and their unmitigated hypocrisy against the LGBT community.</span><span style="line-height: 107%;"> </span></span></span></div>
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">The Interview:</span></span></span></h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">To my dismay, but not all that surprisingly, Meghn Kelly of the
Fox News Network handed one softball after another to the Duggars about their
handling of the 2006 sexual abuse incidents by their eldest son in her
interview on June 3, 2015. She didn't ask a single tough question.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Instead, she allowed the family head to ultimately declare
his outrage that their privacy had been violated. That they were seeking legal
advice over the fact that their son's juvenile record had been accessed and
made public.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">There is just so much to be outraged by THIS family.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">They blame girls for the criminal sexual actions of boys and
men, citing "a lack of modesty" by girls and women as male
"temptation". Of course, since they themselves are so modest and
teach their girls to be that way as well, how can they possibly explain the
criminal actions of their son?</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">They don't. Not really. Except to repeatedly refer to his
crimes as "improperly touching" or to further minimize what he did by
calling it a "mistake".</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">The Duggars have decreed LGBT people to be child molesters
and pedophiles. That children aren't safe around them. And they've done so
KNOWING and covering up that their own son was himself a child molester.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">I'm still at a loss to explain Jim-Bob's statement of what
Josh did to these 5 young girls: "This was not rape or anything like
that."</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Or his claim that Josh, who is now 27, is not a pedophile
because by Jim-Bob logic (and presumably the Mirriam-Webster dictionary definition)
in order to be <i>legally</i> considered a pedophile,
Josh would have to have been 16 years old when he molested those girls.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Ah yes, the "legal" definition is very convenient
to latch onto now that this whole mess has become public and there is outcry
over the way it was covered up.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">But allow me to point out the fact that Josh molested at
least twice again after first admitting to his parents that he had "inappropriately
touched" these girls. That speaks to a far different story than what the
Duggar patriarch is prepared to accept. Though both patriarch and matriarch are
in complete agreement that Josh is now fixed of his urges.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Right.</span></span></span></div>
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">The Victims:</span><span style="line-height: 107%;"></span></span></span></h3>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"></span></span></span></div>
</h3>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">And what of Josh's victims?</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Michelle and Jim-Bob claim that their daughters didn't
actually understand what was happening to them. Of course they didn't. They
were too young and/or hadn't been taught about sexual abuse.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">There is a long list of reasons to be outraged when it comes
to this family.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">The Duggars minimized what happened to the victims. They
defended their criminal son and their subsequent cover up. And they see
themselves as victims of an unfair media and Christian haters in this whole
affair.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">The highly biased Fox News interview on Wednesday was all about
appeasing fans of the <i>19 Kids and
Counting</i> series and clearing the way for TLC to reinstate the show.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">But the interview has not played well in the public eye.
Sure, maybe their diehard fans and political allies will continue to give them
a pass, but most of the general public has not. There was considerable social
media backlash immediately following the Meghn Kelly interview.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">It's hard not to find the Duggar's actions and stances despicable.
They are hypocrites of the most dangerous breed. They condemn and cast stones
at LGBT without any basis for such denunciations. They believe their faith
allows them to convict an entire community of people of heinous acts when no
such evidence exists, while they themselves cover up and soft-pedal repeated criminal
acts because it was committed by one of their own.</span><span style="line-height: 107%;"> </span></span></span></div>
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">The Message:</span></span></span></h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">And what about the message sent to the families who follow
the Duggars so fanatically?</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 16pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">By virtue of their celebrity status within the far-right Christian
community, the Duggar denials come at a great expense to victims. The people
who inexplicably continue to hold the Duggars in high regard, take those
denials and translate them as a model of how to handle such molestations within
a family. The Duggars have schooled an entire group of people that victims of
familial sexual abuse, particularly when the abuser is an adolescent, don't
matter. Their actions and lack of actions have set us back decades. And that, in my opinion, is
one of the most dangerous things about the Duggars.</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
</div>
Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-48904115987405108322014-08-05T07:17:00.004-07:002014-08-05T07:17:32.926-07:00Should We Deny Healthcare to Certain People?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixth7tkDIus-nAIE0CjWBngRz5hHCNRy7rzA1Um13HvpR7mtKpR6x312XaNu2VUFa38SjI6ijqbQDUFI3r99BDjQDoUYuloqThuEcvko3oPd1XX38g7z-O5uIbzFzM-bQ2mWlZq2o0MTZ6/s1600/BlogAug5.14Healthcare4All.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Should We Deny Healthcare to Certain People?" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixth7tkDIus-nAIE0CjWBngRz5hHCNRy7rzA1Um13HvpR7mtKpR6x312XaNu2VUFa38SjI6ijqbQDUFI3r99BDjQDoUYuloqThuEcvko3oPd1XX38g7z-O5uIbzFzM-bQ2mWlZq2o0MTZ6/s1600/BlogAug5.14Healthcare4All.jpg" height="190" title="Should We Deny Healthcare to Certain People?" width="320" /></a></div>
Should we deny healthcare to certain people because of the choices they make or as a result of their risky behaviours? And if so, at what age should those exemptions begin to take place? 6 years? 26 years? 56 years? Where is society prepared to draw the line? And how often does that line move to include even more to be denied?<br />
<br />
Recently, a social networking user posted a picture of two extremely obese women. One was drinking soda pop directly from a 2-liter container. One was opening up a bottle of dressing in front of an extra large pizza on the table before them.<br />
<br />
The user and his followers were almost militant about us (whoever "us" are) not having to pay for healthcare for the women in the picture. He felt strongly that people should be tested every couple of years from the age of 6, and if they're eating and drinking "crap" as he called it, there should be no health insurance. That they should have to pay for it themselves. Others chimed in: No healthcare if you take drugs. Or drink alcohol. Or smoke.<br />
<br />
And therein lies the slippery slope.<br />
<br />
It is a very dangerous practice to pick and choose who does
and doesn't get access to healthcare based on any set of limitations or discrimination. Even when the decision is based on a person's risky behaviour and the unhealthy choices
they make.<br />
<br />
There are so many questions that need to be answered within
such a system that may seem sound on the surface, but can quickly
devolve to a place that most of us don't want to go.<br />
<br />
Who makes the decision? What behaviours cancel your
healthcare? What over indulgence writes you off as a candidate to get
medical attention, unless you pay for it yourself? What might the deniable include?<br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>The middle-aged man who doesn't exercise and suffers a heart attack?</li>
<li>The 20-something-year-old who eats at fast food restaurants 3 or more times a week?</li>
<li>The man or woman who sits for more than 10 or 11 hours a day, some for a job, some not?</li>
<li>The 65-year-old male who eats red meat and it results in clogged arteries?</li>
</ul>
<br />
The list can get endless. So how far do we want to carry it?<br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>The young teen who drives his car too fast and causes an accident and injures himself?</li>
<li>The woman who chooses breast implants that result in breast cancer?</li>
<li>The 8-year-old who plays with matches that result in 2nd or 3rd degree burns?</li>
<li>The college student who eats a steady diet of ramen noodles even though that's all he can afford?</li>
</ul>
<br />
Where do we draw the line?<br />
<br />
And if anyone for one second thinks it's ridiculous to go that far, just check out the way of the world. Check out how Supreme Court decisions result in more and more of what we used to consider so far-fetched as to be out of the realm of possibility. Rights that were long ago fought for and won, only to be on the brink of again being lost.<br />
<br />
And what of addiction?<br />
<br />
When we make addiction--any form of addiction--a reason to deny health coverage, we ignore that the causes, be it drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, food, any substance or behaviour at all, are all based in some form of emotional pain. Does not that pain deserve to be treated? Do we give up on someone because the pain they feel is hidden inside their emotions rather than inside their bodies?<br />
<br />
And let us not forget the stupidity factor.<br />
<br />
The moment we consider stupidity as a reason to deny someone health insurance, that puts us <i>all</i> at risk for being denied. After all, who among us hasn't made a choice at some point in our lives where we can now ask, What was I thinking?<br />
<br />
So before we start talking about banning people from getting health insurance coverage, we should first check out our own risky behaviours and unhealthy choices. Behaviours and choices that could eventually lead to a host of health issues. Some earlier on in our lives. Some much further into the future.<br />
<br />
And let us not forget that in order for such a system to work, we must have a central agency to collect the information. And that information must be accessible to some governing branch that determines whether or not you qualify as a candidate for heath coverage.<br />
<br />
If we go this route, then ultimately no one would qualify. There would always be reasons to deny someone coverage. After all, insurance companies are not in the business of paying out, much as we like to think they are. They're actually in the business of making money. And what better way to profit than to take premiums from people, and then find reasons not to cover those very people when they need it most. This is one slippery slope I'm not willing to go down. Are you?<br />
</div>
Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-11568737056175748222014-07-30T06:58:00.001-07:002014-07-30T06:58:13.353-07:00Facebook Refuses to Remove Baby Beating Video<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq5An-CQX51xBullTpD3TX6R1gFJGK5G_miqk20O57liiQEqLU8RJnmNRt_5QWhfZleNvm4FGJr7nPL3GppWcHrrsQXHLze4qtzPbA0zQYpBbJOLPsB9zTl2aTUrUMiYy2JTd1Rd23EtyR/s1600/BlogJuly30.14CAVideo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Facebook Refuses to Remove Baby Beating Video" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq5An-CQX51xBullTpD3TX6R1gFJGK5G_miqk20O57liiQEqLU8RJnmNRt_5QWhfZleNvm4FGJr7nPL3GppWcHrrsQXHLze4qtzPbA0zQYpBbJOLPsB9zTl2aTUrUMiYy2JTd1Rd23EtyR/s1600/BlogJuly30.14CAVideo.jpg" height="243" title="Facebook Refuses to Remove Baby Beating Video" width="320" /></a></div>
What does it take for Facebook to remove a post that shows explicit violence against a baby? Is the decision based on a certain standard at Facebook? Or is the decision left entirely up to the moderator there who looks at the post to make the call, based on what he or she thinks is appropriate or inappropriate?<br />
<br />
Facebook took a great deal of heat several months ago for removing posts that showed women breast feeding their babies. They were deemed "indecent", then removed after complaints came in from users.<br />
<br />
They took even more heat when it was shown that they allowed posts that depicted graphic violence, but took down what is the most natural thing in the world: a woman feeding her baby with her body.<br />
<br />
Yesterday, to my disgust, I came face to face with an automatically playing video on my Facebook wall. The video showed a woman physically abusing a baby. It wasn't posted by someone I follow, otherwise I would have first dealt with it directly with my friend through a personal message. <br />
<br />
The video showed up on my wall because someone I do follow on Facebook commented on the post, begging Facebook to remove it.<br />
<br />
Since I don't know the person who put it up on his timeline, I decided to act directly with Facebook. Though I also sent the person a private message, after Facebook included his link in their response. I asked him to take down the appalling video. When I checked his timeline this morning, I was delighted to see that he'd had the good sense to remove it.<br />
<br />
But in my view, that doesn't let Facebook off the hook.<br />
<br />
For those who don't know, when you are confronted with an offending post, you have the ability to hide it. Just click onto the downward pointing arrow on the top right hand side of the post. You'll have options to choose from. It is only through this process that Facebook allows you to post a complaint. Which in and of itself is both bothersome and troublesome.<br />
<br />
When you select <i>hide a post</i>, Facebook wants to know why. You're then given multiple choices. The complaint option comes up when you select <i>offensive</i> as the reason why.<br />
<br />
Again, the options in the complaint prompt are multiple choice. Once you make a choice, you're taken to yet another screen until you finish the complaint.<br />
<br />
There is no comment box to register additional information to plead your case beyond what Facebook offers as multiple choice when you select a predetermined option. I couldn't tell them that the video was showing a woman abusing a helpless baby. Which may or may not have changed the decision made by Facebook. Here was their response an hour after I submitted the complaint, under the email subject line "We reviewed your report":<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Thank you for taking the time to report something that you feel may
violate our Community Standards. Reports like yours are an important
part of making Facebook a safe and welcoming environment. We reviewed
the share you reported for containing graphic violence and found it
doesn't violate our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/communitystandards/" style="color: #3b5998; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Community Standards</a>.</blockquote>
There is something inherently wrong with any business's <i>community standards</i> when it finds that pictures of a woman breast feeding her baby are offensive enough to remove, but sees nothing wrong with a woman physically abusing a powerless little baby.<br />
<br />
And just for the record, there was word that the video might have been a hoax. Even if that had been the case--which it was not--it was still depicting child abuse. Such depictions are just as unacceptable and offensive.<br />
<br />
But also for the record, the video is legitimate. It was first posted some time ago in order for the woman to be identified and charged. Hoax-Slayer, a site that checks out the validity of posts, has left the following message and labelled the original post as OUTDATED:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b style="color: red;">Brief Analysis</b><br />
The footage is genuine. However, the abuse took place back in 2011 and
the mother was subsequently convicted and jailed for the crime. The
baby was placed in foster care and was reportedly doing well.
Circulating the message is therefore pointless. Police have asked users
to delete the message rather than sharing it.</blockquote>
The last line is the important one: <i>Police have asked users to delete the message rather than sharing it.</i><br />
<br />
Facebook does not provide a way to ask for reconsideration of their decision. There is no appeals process that I can find. When they emailed me, they used a noreply response. So it was the end of the line for this complaint from me.<br />
<br />
Facebook has set up their complaint feature in such a way that it is challenging to even find, which is plenty bad enough. But the protocol they follow to determine whether or not a post is unfit for continued sharing is unacceptable.<br />
<br />
If physical child abuse doesn't violate Facebook's <i>community standards</i>, what does that tell you about Facebook? What does that say about the people making the decisions at the company? <br />
<br />
Change can only happen when we stand together. When we share one voice on the issue. And I will use my voice and whatever I have access to in order to share this important message: that the depiction of child abuse is not appropriate material for sharing. I urge you to use <i>your</i> voice to get this message across to Facebook.</div>
Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-37713850196922623352014-07-29T12:27:00.003-07:002014-07-29T12:27:54.078-07:00The Taboo of the True Sixth Sense<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-63xeHz8e1hkck2TqVAnYZ9GY88-lktoIKtO3ifVhH4e1G-u1C4Q2Ya6lhjCfbjC4W6aaU9WgaLE09RcPlj9fpj2Ez572j-armGK69JtdBECvODsTFsEV3jV2u0cHdZB-WN84FUQ4fcPo/s1600/BlogJuly29.14Taboo6thSense.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="The Taboo of the True Sixth Sense" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-63xeHz8e1hkck2TqVAnYZ9GY88-lktoIKtO3ifVhH4e1G-u1C4Q2Ya6lhjCfbjC4W6aaU9WgaLE09RcPlj9fpj2Ez572j-armGK69JtdBECvODsTFsEV3jV2u0cHdZB-WN84FUQ4fcPo/s1600/BlogJuly29.14Taboo6thSense.jpg" height="212" title="The Taboo of the True Sixth Sense" width="320" /></a></div>
Human beings supposedly have 5 senses: smell, sight, taste, touch and hearing. The so-called sixth sense is what we've dubbed ESP or Extra Sensory Perception. But why have we made a leap for the sixth sense to be what some call pseudoscience when there is at least one more--if not many more--senses within the human body?<br />
<br />
The most common of the extra senses I've been able to find are:<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>balance</li>
<li>joint motion</li>
<li>the sense of pain</li>
<li>a sense of direction (some of whom are completely devoid of this sense)</li>
<li>a sense of temperature difference</li>
<li>and let us not forget a sense of time</li>
</ul>
But what of sexuality? The lists I've read completely ignore sexuality. Why is that? Why would there be a such a purposeful lack of acknowledgment of a sense that is so vital to our continuation as a species?<br />
<br />
I can remember my mother telling my brothers that they'd go blind if they masturbated. I'm sure many of you repeatedly heard the same warning. A warning that has its roots in religious doctrine and dogma. Roots that were adopted to control the masses.<br />
<br />
So, could this be why sexuality is ignored as a sense? And not just masturbation, but all forms of sexuality?<br />
<br />
I can also remember being taught that as a girl, I was to wash my private area, but to do it very quickly so as not to awaken any devilish thoughts. I didn't even know what that meant. But as my mother grew away from the church, those particular archaic religious messages fell away, replaced instead with the equally archaic males-as-victims-of-their-erections mentality.<br />
<br />
I was told that if a man had such urges for me, not putting out--what she called "giving it to him"--would result in a possible fatal case of "blue balls". I was told to "give it to him" to prevent his possible death, because let's face it, <i>I</i> was responsible for those urges in him to begin with<i>.</i> It all sounded ridiculous to me even then.<br />
<br />
To add to the already mythical mix, I was also taught that the greatest virtue I could have as a female was to be a virgin for my husband when I got married. Talk about conflicting messages. I found it crazy-making!<br />
<br />
I know my mother was a victim of the brainwashing religious messages she'd received throughout her life. Especially during my very young years, when we lived amongst a community that was staunchly Catholic. A community that kept a close eye on all of the parishioners. A community she turned to for the approval that eluded her as a severely abused child.<br />
<br />
Can this be the basis for why the world has ignored sexuality as a sense? I mean, let's be honest here. The world's top religions don't exactly promote sexuality. Sex is supposed to be strictly for procreation, right?<br />
<br />
Not by my way of thinking, that's for sure. A healthy sex life is important to our good health. Science keeps showing us this in study after study.<br />
<br />
So rather than ignore what is so primal in all of us, what is so important to ensure the survival of humanity, I propose we start by accepting our own sexuality as our true sixth sense. Better yet, our <i>first</i> sense. Now <i>that </i>would make much more sense to me. <br />
<br />
<br />
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Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-58835277921294590042014-07-25T09:02:00.001-07:002014-07-25T09:02:47.951-07:00When We Know Better Do We Really Do Better?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguaRSQeb1jYrzCx-o6FvrDZ3JwZ8sLSuU0dMUrS3xDnpnF3n84Eoix27-JtC2tWnO_WUpG4TNoYosBSF4Kb8QCoSKPWf_7UDSjwcg7HLbssX9dwt5HPUm3rSQFhIUstr8QEKcOXnqGHgoC/s1600/BlogJuly25.14KnowBetterDoBetter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="When We Know Better Do We Do Better?" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguaRSQeb1jYrzCx-o6FvrDZ3JwZ8sLSuU0dMUrS3xDnpnF3n84Eoix27-JtC2tWnO_WUpG4TNoYosBSF4Kb8QCoSKPWf_7UDSjwcg7HLbssX9dwt5HPUm3rSQFhIUstr8QEKcOXnqGHgoC/s1600/BlogJuly25.14KnowBetterDoBetter.jpg" height="320" title="When We Know Better Do We Do Better?" width="320" /></a></div>
<span class="st">Are you among the believers that when we know better we do better? It was Maya Angelou who said, "I <i>did</i> then what I knew how to <i>do</i>. Now that I <i>know better</i>, I <i>do better</i>." But does that translate to another quote Ms Angelou is credited with: "When we know better, we do better?" After all, Ms Angelou was highly evolved. But not so much the rest of us.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="st">Most of us know better about a lot of things, yet we still choose offending or unhealthy or undesirable behaviour. And I'm not talking unconscious behaviour. I'm talking a fully conscious decision, outright ignoring what we know better about. Whatever that might be.</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">We know better than to smoke, but many still continue to puff away, exposing themselves and others to a score of health issues: lung cancer, heart disease and stroke to name a few.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="st">People know that secondhand smoke also leads to disease for their children and others, yet many still choose to light up around our smallest and most helpless with little or no regard for their health outcomes.</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">We know better than to overeat. We even know the risks: hypertension, diabetes, gall bladder disease. Yet we still overeat. Many to the point of severe obesity.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="st">We know better than to exclude vegetables and fruit from our diets. We know better than to drink certain drinks, hang out with certain people, behave in a certain way. We know all these things. But it doesn't stop us from doing them. It doesn't stop us from setting aside the knowledge so we don't have to think about it.</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">And no, I don't mean denial here. I mean that we actively and purposefully set aside what we know. We make the choice to disregard the knowledge in favour of continuing with the behaviour that goes against our better judgment.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="st">So then, how is it that the when-we-know-better-we-do-better meme has been embraced by so many? How has this meme become so ingrained in us? Or is there something more sinister at play? Has it become a way for people to excuse their less-than-desirable behaviours?</span><br />
<br />
<span class="st">When I knew better I did better certainly sounds good. Spiritual, even. Especially when it comes from someone who is held in such high regard. For example, Maya Angelou. I'm not even sure that she actually said some of what she's quoted as saying. Perhaps her words were condensed in such a way as to change the meaning behind them. Much like in a game of <a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Play-the-Telephone-Game" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">telephone</a>.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="st">The fact is, when we test the know-better-do-better meme, it falls apart. Epically.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="st">We live in a world where we blame others for our misdeeds. In a world where it's too easy to not take responsibility for our own actions. In a world where so many are not held accountable for their behaviours,</span><br />
<br />
<span class="st">Doing better does not only entail knowing better. It also means making the <i>choice</i> to do better. It's a two-step process, the latter of which must be chosen. But to get there, we must first accept responsibility for our behaviours that harm, hurt or offend. Only then can we be in a position to <i>do</i> better.</span><br />
<br />
</div>
Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-48886765596925319532014-07-23T09:20:00.000-07:002014-07-23T09:20:25.031-07:00Do We Have the Right to Ask for Prayers for Someone Else?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ0eR3lqhJ9OkZ1MhPRNNDDVCOxhg1umtFolBdN_PT5Nz4zD_Qa4gdwlmjglj2Mcip66eyEFrdl0O26mMHG-DG6XlR83ke2CxXfeeiwGvXCa8-Y0c9VSTKPs0ECNA8Ofz7A6nr7amLi_0e/s1600/BlogJuly23.14PrayerFreeWill.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Do We Have the Right to Ask for Prayers for Someone Else?" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ0eR3lqhJ9OkZ1MhPRNNDDVCOxhg1umtFolBdN_PT5Nz4zD_Qa4gdwlmjglj2Mcip66eyEFrdl0O26mMHG-DG6XlR83ke2CxXfeeiwGvXCa8-Y0c9VSTKPs0ECNA8Ofz7A6nr7amLi_0e/s1600/BlogJuly23.14PrayerFreeWill.jpg" height="212" title="Do We Have the Right to Ask for Prayers for Someone Else?" width="320" /></a></div>
How often do you read a post on a social networking site that asks you to pray for someone? And not just for the person posting. The prayer request is often for the person's mother or father, brother or sister, or some other loved one. And of course, as a decent human being, who would dare <i>not</i> respond to such a request.<br />
<br />
But is it possible that when we do respond to a request on behalf of someone else, we might be crossing the line of free will?<br />
<br />
I have friends who believe that praying for others is our duty as spiritual beings. That it doesn't matter who does the asking. That it's all about our higher selves.<br />
<br />
One friend who is an intuitive sincerely believes that all we have to do is appeal to the other person's higher self to get "permission". Which in her eyes means that praying for a particular outcome that someone else wants for that person is perfectly acceptable because, she says, "All higher selves want what is best."<br />
<br />
This makes no sense to me, on so many levels. Such "granted permission" suggests that each of us has some way of actually connecting with other people's higher selves when most of us have yet to make the connection to our <i>own</i> higher self.<br />
<br />
Besides, who are we to judge what is best for someone else? To say nothing of the whole idea that "free will" of the higher self trumps that of the human being? Since when? I believe that free will extends <i>only</i> to the human being, not the higher self at all. If we choose not to listen to our higher self, that's our right.<br />
<br />
I'll spare you my personal belief system. But I will pose some questions that might make you reconsider your approach to free will.<br />
<br />
How do we know that it isn't part of the person's purpose in being here to actually deal--however that looks in the moment--with some type of horrible illness? Yes, that includes diabolical cancer.<br />
<br />
How do we know that the outcome, even ultimately death, isn't all part of what needs to happen for yet another outcome? Anita Moorjani comes to mind, the woman who died of her cancer, then came back to heal herself, which she wrote about in her book, <a href="http://www.hayhouse.com/dying-to-be-me" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Dying To Be Me</a>.<br />
<br />
How can we know what the purpose is in illness and eventually death, and even in pain and suffering?<br />
<br />
I'm not saying that we let someone suffer when we have the means to ease that suffering. What I'm saying is that it's not up to someone else to decide whether or not we get better. That has to be our decision. Our <i>choice. </i>Each of us as individual human beings.<br />
<br />
Just because you think you need or want more time with that person, for whatever reason, does not mean that your free will eclipses theirs. <br />
<br />
Emotions take over within each of us when we don't want someone we love to be sick or to die. Or worse, to be in pain and suffering. But it must be the person in pain or suffering to be the one doing the asking. Not the one who is emotionally caught up in a potential undesirable outcome.<br />
<br />
This is too harsh for many of my friends and acquaintances. And as a result, I've been called cold and unfeeling. Nothing could be further from the truth. It's just that I see a much bigger picture unfolding.<br />
<br />
I'm not what I would define a praying woman. I do not ask a God for a particular outcome. I don't ask for any outcome.<br />
<br />
When someone asks for a prayer, I enter what I call my heart space to send positive loving energy toward the person who has reached out. Energy intended to help that person deal with what is happening in their lives. After all, they are the ones reaching out for help. And clearly, they are the ones having difficulty coping. I interpret their request as a cry for emotional support, which is what I send.<br />
<br />
I do not enter my heart space and ask for an outcome for third parties. I believe doing so interferes with that person's free will. It's one thing if they ask personally. It's quite another when someone else does the asking for them. Going to the higher self bypasses that free will; and I will not do it.<br />
<br />
So if you send out a plea, asking for prayers for your loved one to get better, what I'll do instead is send <i>you </i>loving healing energy to better be able to cope with whatever happens to that loved one.<br />
<br />
And if you ask me to pray for <i>you</i> to get better, I'll enter my heart space and send you healing loving energy to help shore up your intention to get better. This is what I believe Oneness is in an individuated world of free will. This is in part what I believe it means to be a spiritual being having a human experience.</div>
Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-42228330517328004652014-07-11T08:18:00.002-07:002014-07-11T21:18:33.036-07:00How to Hush Online Haters<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-7YM8m4WG3h3Rdzy-kTpwZcySh7uAycXesILrsd570bj4s1JRj7GPN0L22s8qoxEYrNXIN8yklICk6552Dzq01IXdZxXs0y_WiLL9SC7-krEv4TyM8EkI3skvxqwdgk-PPXMZHZVqkule/s1600/BlogJuly11.14DeleteHaters.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="How to Hush Online Haters" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-7YM8m4WG3h3Rdzy-kTpwZcySh7uAycXesILrsd570bj4s1JRj7GPN0L22s8qoxEYrNXIN8yklICk6552Dzq01IXdZxXs0y_WiLL9SC7-krEv4TyM8EkI3skvxqwdgk-PPXMZHZVqkule/s1600/BlogJuly11.14DeleteHaters.jpg" height="256" title="How to Hush Online Haters" width="320" /></a></div>
An online presence is pretty much mandatory if you're in any kind of business these days. Be it with a website and/or social networking, perhaps even in a forum. But with that online presence comes a dark side. A dark side that provides an opportunity for the shadow side of people to make their presence known.<br />
<br />
These parasitic people are called "haters". These are people who are miserable themselves and look for ways to make
others miserable too. They can suck you dry of any positive energy you might have.<br />
<br />
Haters like to make fun of people. They like to find flaws and find ways to discredit what you're trying to do or say. Their sole purpose is to spew hate.<br />
<br />
Some haters think they're funny. They're not. They use their right to free speech to hurt others. They don't have internal filters. Haters want to get you riled. And they have found themselves a voice online while also remaining anonymous. This gives them bravado they likely wouldn't have if they were in a face to face situation.<br />
<br />
Haters often troll various sites in order to find places to leave hateful comments. That's their online motto. Those of us who have to deal with such haters on a regular basis sometimes find it difficult to get past the negativity. <br />
<br />
I've received my share of hateful emails and comments throughout my sites and social networking pages over the years. Sometimes they come in clusters, which makes them that much more
challenging to deal with. That's because it's so easy to take what haters say personally.<br />
<br />
So how do we deal with haters? How do we hush them?
How do we stay focused on our mission or our dream without feeling discouragingly unappreciated by people with nothing better to do than try to make our lives
miserable?<br />
<br />
Three words: <b>Forgive. Delete. Forget.</b> It really is that simple.<br />
<br />
Haters are looking to spar. They have issues. Issues that have nothing to do with you. It really is all about them. You're just their outlet. A way for them to vent. A way for them to get attention they don't deserve.<br />
<br />
But they are toxic to you if you take what they say personally. Don't allow them to get under your skin. Simply forgive them. Say it out loud when you've gotten to the place in the comment where you realize this is a hater: "I forgive you." No anger. No frustration. No attachment.<br />
<br />
Then use your delete button. No surprises there given the graphic above, I'm sure. Don't give haters air time. Don't read beyond where you identify the comment as coming from a hater. Don't retaliate with venomous words of your own. Get rid of it. The sooner it's out of sight, the sooner it's out of mind.<br />
<br />
Last but not least, forget them. Really. Forget them. They aren't worthy of your time. They aren't worthy of your upset. They aren't important in your life. You give them importance if you keep them in your mind.<br />
<br />
I typically say a heartfelt, "I send you love, light and healing energy" at the same time I unceremoniously hit the delete button, which is a signal to me that it's no longer my problem. This wasn't always the case. I used to take it <i>so </i>personally. But no more.<br />
<br />
I've learned to dissociate. And you can too. By doing so, you end up hushing haters. They want attention. When you don't give it to them, they actually move on. They look for war elsewhere.<br />
<br />
You work hard enough to manifest your dream, to build on your mission. So stay focused on your goals and aspirations. The next time you encounter an online hater, remember: <b>Forgive. Delete. Forget.</b> Then continue on being <i>awesome!</i></div>
Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-27064672847438782282014-07-08T07:55:00.001-07:002014-07-08T07:55:09.174-07:00Does Sunscreen Really Protect Us?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7_h6PhuLJyDbqvsVP095w_wO7yleJnOKNn4lKekO0I7CGYz9FLXC98f1mxrqZecyYKQh8xlfuLFlsMXyxfXhNMKsw5UILS3oJ7wEDRQI3WJLQ-6XIr386lXg08cwgKjrwugbn2j6s0agV/s1600/BlogJuly8.14SunAndSunscreen.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img alt="Does Sunscreen Really Protect Us?" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7_h6PhuLJyDbqvsVP095w_wO7yleJnOKNn4lKekO0I7CGYz9FLXC98f1mxrqZecyYKQh8xlfuLFlsMXyxfXhNMKsw5UILS3oJ7wEDRQI3WJLQ-6XIr386lXg08cwgKjrwugbn2j6s0agV/s1600/BlogJuly8.14SunAndSunscreen.jpg" height="212" title="Does Sunscreen Really Protect Us?" width="320" /></a></div>
Can sunscreen be more harmful than helpful? Could it be that all the information we've been fed over the decades is nothing short of BS? And not just that sunscreen doesn't actually prevent melanoma (skin cancer) but that the ingredients in sunscreen cause humans and the environment harm?<br />
<br />
A <a href="http://www.realfarmacy.com/scientists-blow-the-lid-on-cancer-sunscreen-myth/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">major Swedish study</a> of some 30,000 women over a 20-year period revealed that those who avoid sunbathing in the summer are twice as likely to die as those who sunbathed every day. You read that correctly. The ones who stayed out of the sun were the ones most likely to die. Not the other way around.<br />
<br />
This flies in the face of what we've been told by doctors, scientists and of course, our loving do-what's-best-for-us mothers. Most of us believed the so-called science behind the use of sunscreen as a cancer blocker.<br />
<br />
And now the studies are showing we've been scammed. <br />
<br />
It turns out there is no evidence that sunscreen really does what it's been touted to do all these years. It is not the cancer blocker after all. In fact, evidence is now showing that it's the <i>sunscreen</i> that causes cancer as a result of the chemicals that lace the creams, gels and sprays.<br />
<br />
In the years when hubby and I headed for tropical vacation spots to soak up the rays, I was one of the believers. I was one of the oblivious slatherers.<br />
<br />
But no more. Not for many years now.<br />
<br />
I don't know when I came to believe that applying lotion loaded with unpronounceable ingredients all over myself was not in my best interest. Ingredients that were so longtail they included their chemical letters and numbers in brackets. But it happened long before the studies became mainstream knowledge. It was an inner knowing that I listened to. And I'm grateful I did.<br />
<br />
Some of the chemicals used in sunscreen interfere with the normal function of hormones like estrogen, progesterone, testosterone and thyroid.<br />
<br />
These chemicals can cause abnormal development in fetuses and growing children. They can cause low sperm count and infertility in men. They can bring on early puberty, premature breast development in girls, undescended testicles in boys, ovarian and breast cancer in women, prostate cancer in men.<br />
<br />
These chemicals are also shown to affect the ocean environment and the prevalence of dual-sexed fish. <br />
<br />
Makes you want to run out and buy a tube, doesn't it. Not!<br />
<br />
We need the sun. It's important for our vitamin D3 absorption. And when you consider that so many of us are D3 deficient, one must also ask, Is this at least partially as a result of having used sunscreens and other chemically-based lotions and toothpaste (yes, toothpaste is also a culprit) for so long?<br />
<br />
So what can we use instead? What works at blocking the aging and possibly damaging rays of
the sun without causing human harm and mutations, especially if you're fair-skinned? Without disrupting the
ocean population and environment? Without artificially reassigning the sex of other species?<br />
<br />
Here's link for a simple homemade <a href="http://www.modernwife.com/vitamin-c-spray-for-sun-protection/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">vitamin C spray</a>. And while I'm not advocating this recipe as the answer for everyone, I am offering it up as an option.<br />
<br />
Do your research. Question, not just the evidence coming out, but who is paying for the study. If it's a pharmaceutical or a company with interests in selling you a product heaped with chemicals, then it's a good bet the "evidence" is more self-serving to that company than it is suitable for human use.<br />
<br />
</div>
Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-67279836775897018062014-07-07T08:26:00.001-07:002014-07-07T08:26:19.561-07:00What Kind of Friend Are You, Anyway?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWx6mERO7-rDVpgAsiPZ19LtZbfYcW20cVXtewYYZpzoEdUCA_xjxBWbiddjtOpLEXnHQ-Bbi-gcM3DxdbxEKgBEvrUjiP719eJ7beCo4vAbH9S7SsR-BBw7h8TCRY4ybHGrRN36DMt1Ix/s1600/BlogJuly7.14WhatKindOfFriend.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="What Kind of Friend Are You, Anyway?" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWx6mERO7-rDVpgAsiPZ19LtZbfYcW20cVXtewYYZpzoEdUCA_xjxBWbiddjtOpLEXnHQ-Bbi-gcM3DxdbxEKgBEvrUjiP719eJ7beCo4vAbH9S7SsR-BBw7h8TCRY4ybHGrRN36DMt1Ix/s1600/BlogJuly7.14WhatKindOfFriend.jpg" height="269" title="What Kind of Friend Are You, Anyway?" width="320" /></a></div>
Are you the kind of friend who always tells the truth? Do you tell your friends what you really think? Or do you soft peddle the truth? When faced with the dilemma of hurting your friends' feelings vs telling them a lie to either make them feel better or keep them in the dark about a situation, what do you do?<br />
<br />
The way you respond to your friends says a lot about you. It says whether you live in fear of the relationship dissolving or if you know deep down that the friendship can handle anything. It also says how in-touch you are with your friends' needs in the moment. But that can be a slippery slope.<br />
<br />
In truth, it really isn't all that black and white, is it?<br />
<br />
We all tell white lies. Lies that are half truths. Lies that we believe protect the sanctity of our friendship while also protecting at least a modicum our own personal integrity. Sometimes we make a choice between the two.<br />
<br />
I'm not a researcher. I'm no expert on the way we relate to our friends. But I am a friend. I think a pretty good friend. So allow me to share what my observations are about some of the types of friends there are out there. And why they all have a role to play within the friendship circle. This is by no means an exhaustive list.<br />
<br />
<b>1. The kick-you-in-the-ass friend. </b>This is the friend who isn't afraid to tell you when you're being a jerk. And then figuratively gives you the proverbial kick in the ass to help you clear your thinking. Most of us don't ever turn to such a friend. They just seem to turn up. They are there to keep us in line. Lead-ins often come in the form of: <i>What the hell were you thinking!</i><br />
<br />
<b>2. The call-me-on-my-bullshit friend.</b> This friend goes beyond the kick-you-in-the-ass friend. This friend refuses to take your crap, and calls you on it. A typical lead-in for this kind of friend is: <i>You're full of shit!</i><br />
<br />
<b>3. The sweet-as-apple-pie friend</b>. This is the friend who wouldn't say shit if her mouth was full of it. This friend only sees the good in you. Never the bad. This friend will see you as completely blameless in any situation. Handy for those moments where deep down you know you had some responsibility (as you always will) but just aren't quite ready to embrace the accountability part.<br />
<br />
<b>4. The misery-loves-company friend.</b> This is the friend who has bigger problems than you do. Or at the very least, is experiencing the same misery so you can cry on each others shoulder. You turn to this friend in order to feel less lonely. Or less stupid. Because, after all, if someone else is feeling that same misery, you can't be all that bad. Right?<br />
<br />
<b>5. The I'm-infinitely-more-miserable-than-you friend</b>. Do not confuse this kind of friend with the misery-loves-company friend. They are in two different dimensions. This friend is in competition with your misery. With everyone's misery. And is not afraid to tell you how much more miserable they are than you are. You turn to this friend when you want to feel better about the shittiness of what you're experiencing. Lead-ins are often a version of: <i>If you think that's bad, listened to what happened to me!</i><br />
<br />
<b>6. The others-have-it-so-much-rougher-count-your-blessings friend. </b>This kind of friend is the parallel Universe to the I'm-infinitely-more-miserable-than-you friend. But like all parallels, there is a major difference. This friend is not in competition with your misery. This friend is there to help you leave your pity party, whether or not you're ready to.<br />
<br />
<b>7. The oh-you-poor-thing friend</b>. This is the friend who empathizes on a level that is all about joining you in the pity party stage of your situation. When you want to embrace the poor-me mantra because you're not quite ready to leave victimland just yet. <br />
<br />
<b>8. The I-need-your-advice friend.</b> This is the friend who has all kinds of advice to share that's intended to help you live a better life. Not to be confused with the know-it-all friend, who always has the answers on how you should live your life even though you haven't asked, even though quite often this friend hasn't followed his/her own advice to live a better life themselves.<br />
<br />
<b>9. The I-need-you-to-help-me-clear-the-fog friend.</b> A very close cousin to the I-need-your-advice friend, this is the friend that can see through the murkiness and help you to see for yourself what you should do.<br />
<br />
<b>10. The everything-happens-for-a-reason friend. </b>This friend sees the purpose behind everything that happens, to you and everyone else. This friend sees the bigger picture, sees things on a grand, even Universal scale. You turn to this friend when you need clarification on why bad things happen to good people like you.<br />
<br />
<b>11. The time-for-an-intervention friend. </b>Though there are various levels of this type of friend, at the most extreme, this friend sees the danger you pose to yourself and is not afraid to step in. This friend is not adverse to bringing others to step in as well. These friends care deeply for you and your well-being. This is the kind of friend you want with you when you're going out for a night on the town. These are the ones who stay sober in order to drive everyone home safely. They are the ones who aren't afraid to physically step in to stop someone else from harming or taking advantage of you.<br />
<br />
<b>12. The I-just-want-to-have-fun friend.</b> This friend
just wants to play. S/he doesn't take life too seriously. This
friend finds it easy to laugh at his or her mistakes. Yours too. And let's face it, these kinds of friends lighten things up. Who wouldn't want that in their lives at least some of the time.<br />
<br />
Some friends have the unique gift of being all these kinds of friends
within the same conversation. Lucky you if you've got one of these
friends. I mean that sincerely. <i>Lucky you!</i><br />
<br />
Though not within the same conversation, many of us are capable of being all of these kinds of friends at different times. Depending on the circumstances. Depending on how we feel in the moment. How we've been triggered. What we've just experienced ourselves. What we think our friend needs from us.<br />
<br />
When we're in need, the stage we're in dictates the kind of friend we'll turn to. If we're hurting and want pity. Or we're angry and we want that validated. Or we've been so angry for so long we need relief. Or we want to understand what happened to us.<br />
<br />
And if we're fortunate enough to have many friends, we can
pick and choose who to talk to when we're in need of a certain response.
Of course, that doesn't mean it'll be a healthy one. Especially if you're raw with emotion.<br />
<br />
Sometimes we reach out to multiple friends within a short time frame because we're in great pain and aren't sure what we're looking for, only that we haven't yet found it.<br />
<br />
Friends helps us feel a sense of belonging. Not fitting in. Belonging. They help us through difficult times with different skill sets. And they share in our joys and triumphs. They are important in our lives.<br />
<br />
But we are just as important in theirs, and not just for the same reasons. Our difficulties can give them a sense of purpose. Which reinforces <i>their</i> sense of belonging. It's a two-way street. A reciprocation. And a perfect one, at that.<br />
<br />
Before I sign off on this post, I'm going to give a shout out to the type of friend that most of us would never purposely call upon. The
what-the-hell-were-you-thinking friend and the call-me-on-my-bullshit friend. These two deserve our respect. They
are the ones who give us the wake up call we often need but seldom seek.<br />
<br />
Can you relate to the types of friends listed above? Do you fall into one or many of those categories of friends? Maybe you have another category to share? What kind of friend do you typically call upon when you're in need? <br />
</div>
Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-43437815541788304462014-07-03T08:10:00.000-07:002014-07-03T08:10:39.546-07:00Key Challenges for Parents of Sexual Abuse Victims<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Parents and other family members play important
roles for victims of abuse striving to heal from the devastating impacts of
their ordeals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though healing is a
personal journey, it's shared by friends, family and loved ones concerned for
the well-being of victims.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And while the
victim is at the center of each effort to rebuild and restore trust, confidence
and other casualties of abuse, secondary survivors share a unique set of
challenges overcoming the impacts of sexual abuse.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In addition to feeling the victim's pain, survivors
are overwhelmed by their desire to help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the implications surrounding sexual abuse and assault are
complicated, so even the most committed survivors sometimes struggle to reconcile
the unfamiliar territory.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZaZK6p8lDC46X_9JQiEvRnZwlfvAKTr2z4IJc5MpEW1rVqBqDo__vlhKZ12S_vanpoYOuhcAAsd_JYAtGi80mOD1KQINJZny2_IMjwsPtXaKfsWPhOC0ObnT2O0SlTHIvECgh3mdF3y-R/s1600/BlogJuly3.14DistraughtMale.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZaZK6p8lDC46X_9JQiEvRnZwlfvAKTr2z4IJc5MpEW1rVqBqDo__vlhKZ12S_vanpoYOuhcAAsd_JYAtGi80mOD1KQINJZny2_IMjwsPtXaKfsWPhOC0ObnT2O0SlTHIvECgh3mdF3y-R/s1600/BlogJuly3.14DistraughtMale.jpg" height="132" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Parents
especially are overcome by a flood of emotions when their children suffer at
the hands of abuse, prompting personal doubt and turmoil as they help their
kids heal.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Common challenges faced by
parents of sexual assault victims include the following trials.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div>
<br />
<h4>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">What
to Say and Do</span></b></div>
</span></h4>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When children face obstacles in life, parents
naturally want to help them find their way beyond the conflict.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sexual abuse and assault spur similar
responses from mothers and fathers who want to heal the pain and ease the
struggles their kids face recovering from maltreatment.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But the ramifications of sexual abuse and
assault affect victims and families in ways that are hard to reconcile,
especially for parents unfamiliar with the wide-ranging impacts of these
traumatic events. Having never faced
sexual issues head-on, parents struggle to find the right words and actions to
ease their children's' suffering.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In order to help victims heal, parents must
understand that it is okay not to have all the answers.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Healing is a process, which victims and their
supporters grow-through together, learning effective strategies as they
go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Simply lending a compassionate ear
and being there as sounding boards for victims are tremendous contributions to
the healing process, even if parents might not be able to offer the best
'clinical' counseling.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Most parents are blank slates of sexual abuse
understanding, so helping their kids heal after incidents starts with gaining
some level of knowledge about the impacts of sexual assault.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Independent research, support groups and
conversations with other secondary survivors each provide valuable insight into
the issues faced by sexual abuse survivors and members of their support structures.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In addition to specific responses, parents furnish
effective support by simply validating their children's feelings and
expressions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Compassion and
non-judgmental sentiments are critical features of the healing process, which
parents are particularly well-qualified to provide.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<h4 class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Heal
Thyself</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mending the negative effects of sexual abuse and
assault go beyond the victim, including caregivers and supporters assisting in
recovery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be most helpful to victims
of assault, parents need to understand they are experiencing normal responses
to these traumatic incidents, and allow themselves to heal alongside their
child victims.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Feeling overwhelmed and
struggling with helplessness, for example, are consistent responses from
parents of victims, who overcome their feelings of anger and devastation by
acknowledging they have their own healing to do.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Taking time for yourself enables you to help your
child recover, so it is important to devote personal resources to helping
yourself come to terms with the events as well.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Take breaks as a caregiver, enabling you to keep up with your own
responsibilities, and giving your child an opportunity to reflect
independently.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Support your well-being
with healthy activities and get plenty of rest, even if self-care does not feel
like a priority during your child's crisis.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Parents face unique challenges supporting children
who have fallen victim to sexual abuse and assault.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Together, families furnish mutual support
that helps them grow beyond the negative impacts of sexual trauma.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And while the victim's plight takes the front
seat during recovery efforts, parents and other caregivers must also account
for their own shock and personal wreckage<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack">.</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h4 class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Author:</span></b></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Daphne Holmes contributed this guest post. She is a
writer from </span><a href="http://www.arrestrecords.com/"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">www.ArrestRecords.com</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
and you can reach her at <a href="http://daphneholmes9@gmail.com./">daphneholmes9@gmail.com.</a></span></div>
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Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-23171270911756779542014-06-30T14:35:00.002-07:002014-06-30T14:35:25.348-07:00SCOTUS - The Corporate Congress of America<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8N1A5CNOuSHa5QSNyK_K_Pbe_YylwWGw5WrKxu16j8F6tQlovmLvNTBEss6Ow2JFfoJCTLW5dbYQZ6hvLEEoaTAfZ4m8MxeN7PSZa78u5jhi8d0Mv6tiE4zkHMZZZOgIJfXFTlgszPO68/s1600/BlogJune30.14HobbyLobbyDecision.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8N1A5CNOuSHa5QSNyK_K_Pbe_YylwWGw5WrKxu16j8F6tQlovmLvNTBEss6Ow2JFfoJCTLW5dbYQZ6hvLEEoaTAfZ4m8MxeN7PSZa78u5jhi8d0Mv6tiE4zkHMZZZOgIJfXFTlgszPO68/s1600/BlogJune30.14HobbyLobbyDecision.jpg" height="212" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) rules that corporations have religious rights, then shoves those religious rights down womens throats</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Whether you believe that Congress in the United States is already a corporation. Whether or not you believe government overall is, at the very least, governed themselves by corporations. The Hobby Lobby ruling that came down today by SCOTUS clearly shows that no longer do the people defining the law of the land even try to hide their corporate agenda.<br />
<br />
In a staggeringly ignorant 5-4 ruling by party lines, SCOTUS has effectively opened the door for a complete loss of women's rights in the very near future. Rights that so many had to fight for within my lifetime. Rights that an entire generation have never had to even think of as something that needed fighting for.<br />
<br />
It won't be long before <i>Roe vs Wade </i>is on the table to be dissected and completely discarded, ultimately leaving women without any rights about their own bodies and health. <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>In 2014, the U.S. Supreme Court is more convinced that corporations are people than that women are.</i><br />
~Andy Borowitz, American writer, comedian and actor</blockquote>
Here in Canada, we're not yet where the USA is. But with every ruling that comes down from SCOTUS, with all the political unrest that continues to toss one right after another out on it's ear, there is the very real possibility that even our rights will continue to be eroded, because our own Canadian government has proven itself a corporate puppet.<br />
<br />
I would never have believed that in my lifetime I would be witnessing such blatant disregard for the rights of individuals from either my own country or that of our closest friends to the south. Yet here we are. A bunch of old conservative men in black robes dictating what should be between a woman and her doctor. Period.<br />
<br />
When a boss can deny an employee birth control coverage, where are we headed next?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfHdh-MF62R_0ocR_aY_FKVKd1DrN1T2kZxLVZ76k8tlErnut-22ff3Ep8wnieLHjW-Bzc2jXhpffTTaiKEbBTvFJMfEvW5J30tdrP54c9URYDEs5-4636yKRIVS9mJ53wZSbFIHDNBpKB/s1600/BlogJune30.14JusticeGinsburg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfHdh-MF62R_0ocR_aY_FKVKd1DrN1T2kZxLVZ76k8tlErnut-22ff3Ep8wnieLHjW-Bzc2jXhpffTTaiKEbBTvFJMfEvW5J30tdrP54c9URYDEs5-4636yKRIVS9mJ53wZSbFIHDNBpKB/s1600/BlogJune30.14JusticeGinsburg.jpg" height="200" width="152" /></a></div>
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg called the ruling a "decision of startling breadth." She went on to say say in her scathing dissent: "Although the Court attempts to cabin its language to closely held corporations, its logic extends to corporations of any size, public or private. Little doubt that RFRA (Religious Freedom Restoration Act of 1993) claims will proliferate."<br />
<br />
In other words, the ruling opens the door for future challenges that will likely give more and more power to corporations over that of individuals. Her point is well taken. <br />
<br />
But if I'm nothing else, I'm an optimist. There can be purpose in this latest absurdity, just as there can be in all absurdities.<br />
<br />
This ruling may well wake people up to what's really going on. It may spur them to action. Because, truth be told, it's not until people get spoon-fed copious loads of sh*t that they finally get to the point where they are tired of the coughing, spitting and choking, and then finally say "enough!"<br />
<br />
And when they finally <i>do </i>say "enough!", only then will real change have a chance to begin.<br />
<br />
But if this ruling isn't enough to start the process of real change, sh*t-feeding be damned, perhaps it will take a complete strip down of all rights before a revolution begins.<br />
<br />
The dominoes will continue to fall along the path each one before it sits, or there will be a sweeping hand that stops them dead in their tracks. Either way, disturbing as all this is, as a Canadian I can only sit by and watch. The path is not mine to walk.<br />
<br />
But as I move through the coming days, I do so with my bowl of popcorn at the ready. I'll watch with baited breath and a belief that all will come together in purposeful resolution as the conscious and unconscious players make their calculated and strategic moves and the game decidedly unfolds.<br />
</div>
Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-11938602174373651872014-06-27T08:25:00.001-07:002014-06-27T08:25:22.739-07:00Are Some People Predisposed to Negativity?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr0S_LF5M7hE6OyVFGWbIFWgqLKhzIfCXERcC_GMOSE3UfGcvDVUYcFPF6CANGm-A3YUPQkAYmtLpFgtqzl35ftLGQnL0y1R6kC0JxOHkcTM3eX_yQbU8FC-g4AvPdfcSElypvGgll2cZI/s1600/BlogJun27.14NegativityPositivity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Are Some People Predisposed to Negativity?" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr0S_LF5M7hE6OyVFGWbIFWgqLKhzIfCXERcC_GMOSE3UfGcvDVUYcFPF6CANGm-A3YUPQkAYmtLpFgtqzl35ftLGQnL0y1R6kC0JxOHkcTM3eX_yQbU8FC-g4AvPdfcSElypvGgll2cZI/s1600/BlogJun27.14NegativityPositivity.jpg" height="110" title="Are Some People Predisposed to Negativity?" width="200" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9FHZM9ojy701F2ju4MO5V2AIoEoymV0nyecaEdZKUiegjFAAMq73gu3zc8iZtrJ2JfW0GmInzh55nsN61btYlBQBh-G0bOMdpI8akUAepMk5sVRHW0tTGbzbSFmLyPe36xSGjz6MvyGbH/s1600/BlogJun27.14PositivityNegativity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9FHZM9ojy701F2ju4MO5V2AIoEoymV0nyecaEdZKUiegjFAAMq73gu3zc8iZtrJ2JfW0GmInzh55nsN61btYlBQBh-G0bOMdpI8akUAepMk5sVRHW0tTGbzbSFmLyPe36xSGjz6MvyGbH/s1600/BlogJun27.14PositivityNegativity.jpg" height="130" width="200" /></a>Are there some of us more likely to be negative than others? Is there something in our makeup that can explain why some people seemingly always look at the negative side of things? Something that goes beyond what we've experienced or endured in our childhoods?<br />
<br />
A new study by a University of British Columbia researcher found that a gene variant can cause people to focus on negativity because they see such negativity more vividly than others.<br />
<br />
Professor Rebecca Todd of UBC's psychology department had the following to say:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“This is the first study to find that this genetic variation can
significantly affect how people see and experience the world. The
findings suggest people experience emotional aspects of the world partly
through gene-coloured glasses – and that biological variations at the
genetic level can play a significant role in individual differences in
perception.”</blockquote>
But is it enough for science to find the genetic link for those who get caught up in negative emotions? Or is there something else present that we need to focus on? Something more on the positive side?<br />
<br />
What if we go the next step.<br />
<br />
For those who don't know me very well, I'm quite analytical. So I have to ask: Why would such a gene variant exist in the first place? Could there be a survival component? A evolutionary skill that protects the tribe?<br />
<br />
Consider this. If everyone was always looking on the positive side, always seeing the beauty in everything, might that not be at the expense of missing lurking danger? From Professor Todd:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“These individuals may be more likely to pick out angry faces in a crowd
of people. Outdoors, they might notice potential hazards – places you
could slip, loose rocks that might fall – instead of seeing the natural
beauty.”</blockquote>
Such research is always interesting. Necessary, even, if we want to understand human emotion. But I caution those who believe that such studies should lead to treatments to eradicate what must be considered on some level a purposeful skill. It's all a matter of degree.<br />
<br />
There is great purpose in seeing potential hazards that others might miss. The tricky part is not to have the pendulum swing so far on the side of negativity that it's at the cost of your own sanity.<br />
<br />
When we understand from where and why something exists in us, even when it's perceived as negative, that understanding can lead to a more productive use of it. Whatever "it" is.<br />
<br />
There is a shadow side to pretty much everything. But if it comes naturally, embrace it. Just don't allow it to cripple you.<br />
<br />
Balance is the answer. And part of that balance is understanding. Even negativity can be used in a positive way.<br />
<br />
<br />
</div>
Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-82624052121971889502014-06-13T08:59:00.003-07:002014-06-13T08:59:41.307-07:00How to Stay in the Flow<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl9U9M9dklWwdmsuWHCTGuwT-tgMkfCwbErt6542rZ2H_tnOwa6f1ax7HMNW4uYGuDSVVqfWpctHvKHBe-l3xvmFTT2REUq3aLH6jRGeTSLVUPv1s7Isesd5S_cNvm4o71aArMPZHyyjn-/s1600/BlogJune13.14Flow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl9U9M9dklWwdmsuWHCTGuwT-tgMkfCwbErt6542rZ2H_tnOwa6f1ax7HMNW4uYGuDSVVqfWpctHvKHBe-l3xvmFTT2REUq3aLH6jRGeTSLVUPv1s7Isesd5S_cNvm4o71aArMPZHyyjn-/s1600/BlogJune13.14Flow.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
What does it mean to "be in the flow"? And why does it matter? In order to answer that question, it might be easier to examine the opposite. What happens when you're <i>not </i>in the flow?<br />
<br />
When you're not in the flow, you're going against the
stream of consciousness. Picture yourself in a boat with oars that you
don't need, except to paddle upstream. And when you're paddling
upstream, you're going against the natural flow of the stream. In other
words, you're fight what IS.<br />
<br />
Fighting what IS doesn't change it. Fighting what IS creates anxiety and anger, frustration and fear. But people confuse what it means to fight what IS. So allow me to clear up the confusion.<br />
<br />
What IS simply is. There is no sense arguing with it. It's happening. To deny that it is happening is to deny what is right in front of you. The confusion is the difference between acceptance and giving up. One does not give up to what is happening when one accepts that it is happening.<br />
<br />
And when one does accept what is happening (denying it changes nothing), then one is free to actually do something about it. To change it, if necessary.<br />
<br />
If I'm up to my elbows in clutter, telling myself there is no clutter doesn't help me clear it up. That mindset only serves to build on the clutter, or at the very least, allow the dust to keep building on it.<br />
<br />
But when I accept that the clutter surrounds me and prevents me from moving around, blocks my energy and keeps me in a state of heaviness, then my mind is free to come up with solutions.<br />
<br />
The "flow" is another way of saying "the art of allowing". Allowing what you want in your life to manifest. Sounds simple enough, but it really isn't.<br />
<br />
Anyone who as been in the doldrums, experiences anxiety or outright depression knows firsthand how challenging it can be to stay or even get to the "flow". There are energies present that can make it so very difficult. And by energies, I mean where our thoughts go. For whatever reason. By whatever means.<br />
<br />Being in the "flow" is basically another way to say, I'm not going to argue with what IS. I'm going to appreciate all that IS, no matter what.<br />
<br />
And when I'm sad or frustrated or even angry, I'll allow myself to process those feelings and emotions so that the energy doesn't get blocked inside me. Remember, I'm not going to deny what I feel. And then I'm free to get back into the "flow".<br />
<br />
"Flow" comes with appreciation, gratitude, and a knowing that there is purpose in all that IS. And within that "flow", we create more of what we truly desire. In the words of Abraham:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="color: black; line-height: 150%; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Every
time you say, "I appreciate that. I really like that. I applaud that. I
acknowledge the value in that." Every time you do that, you spend some
of your Energy, and it is the spending of the Energy that creates a
vacuum, so to speak, or an attraction, so to speak, that draws more and
more and more and more</span></span></div>
</blockquote>
Flow. Or paddle upstream. Either way, the energy you expend will bring about more of the same. Your choice. As always.<br />
<br />
</div>
Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-81118788505465257192014-06-05T09:09:00.001-07:002014-06-05T09:09:03.796-07:00Growth Means Something Has to Die<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Is it difficult for you to release what doesn't serve you? Difficult to move beyond what is familiar? You are not alone by any stretch. We humans have always been challenged when it comes to change. Some of us more than others.<br />
<br />
We get comfortable with our surroundings. Even when they aren't optimal. Many adopt the philosophy that it's better to embrace the devil we know than risk exposing the demon we don't.<br />
<br />
But when we adopt such a philosophy, we do so at the expense of personal, physical and spiritual growth.<br />
<br />
So why do I have to grow? you ask. In the words of Abraham:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="color: black; line-height: 150%; text-align: left;">
<i><span style="font-size: small;">You
are adaptive Beings. And you're not finished as a species in your
evolution. You are as unevolved now to what you will be 2000 years from
now, or a million years from now—as the relics that you are digging up
of the cave man. You are…we are all eternally continuing to evolve.</span></i></div>
<div style="color: black; line-height: 150%; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: small;"></span></div>
</blockquote>
You don't <i>have</i> to do anything. We are wired for
change. Wired for evolution. It's how we deal with change that
determines whether or not we grow. And if we <i>do</i> grow, something has to die. Sounds morbid, but it's true.<br />
<br />
Even a sprouting plant brings with it some form of death. The nutrients in the soil, the water it soaks up, the rays it absorbs, are all used up for the sake of the new plant. But we don't think about what it takes to grow things, what the new growth requires to be sustained, as death. We only see the birth of the new plant.<br />
<br />
Everything is made of energy. Everything. And energy can never really die. It just changes form. When I eat something, the food is giving up its current form in order to sustain mine. Something I am eternally grateful for. The food itself dies, though we don't typically think of the death of food when we're eating.<br />
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
Food for thought: How we think about death is what needs to change. It needs to evolve.</h3>
<br />
When we adopt a new way of thinking, our old way makes way
for the new, and the old dies off. This applies to everything from
relationships to occupations to our very thoughts. Every time we make a
different choice, the choice of old is released. The energy of the old
is replaced with the energy of the new. This is the way of nature. The way of the world.<br />
<br />
So get comfortable with change. Embrace it. And know that in order to grow physically or emotionally or spiritually, something will die. Then be grateful for that death. Because in that death, sprouts new life. And that's a very good thing.<br />
<br />
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Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-69959457085491718322014-06-04T08:33:00.002-07:002014-06-04T08:33:50.993-07:00You Are Not Limited By What You Endured<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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There's been an image going around on social networking sites that displays a certain caption. A caption that's got child abuse survivors up in arms. But it's been my experience, and I know I'm going to get backlash for this, that when people are angry there is often some truth involved.<br />
<br />
What was the offending statement? <i>Quit blaming your parents for everything wrong in your life.</i> This line seems relatively tame.<br />
<br />
But when you come from child abuse, it can have lifelong adverse effects. It's fairly common for abuse survivors to carry anger and hostility throughout adulthood and blame their parents for their dysfunction. And there's ample scientific and psychiatric evidence to back that up. When someone says Quit blaming your parents, survivors typically hear, What happened to you did not matter.<br />
<br />
As much as the first statement upset survivors, it was the coupled statement that really riled them. <i>Be grateful they saw you through your teenage years and didn't kill you.</i><br />
<br />
Oh boy. That last one is a tough one for someone who went through brutal abuse at the hands of their parents. Especially when someone has a parent that actually <i>did</i> come close to killing them.<i> </i>I'm not at all oblivious to this. My own mother came yay close more than once with her vicious abuse.<br />
<br />
Even so, I'm going to go out on a limb here and defend the statement. Even though some of my social networking friends went the opposite path and chose to write a post, essentially giving permission to survivors to keep blaming their parents for their lot in life. Even giving permission to never forgive because after all, what happened to them was unforgivable.<br />
<br />
For those of you who aren't too angry to keep reading, here goes.<br />
<br />
What I'm saying here is two-fold.<br />
<br />
One, there is humour involved. Humour almost always offends someone. The last statement was meant to be humourous. And though it isn't funny to those of us who went through abuse, it was never intended to make light of the abuse that someone might have suffered.<br />
<br />
And yes, I do understand that there are some things one never makes light of. Like the holocaust, for example. But the author of the quote didn't say anything about or make light of child abuse. It was meant to address the sometimes highly irritating behaviour of adolescents.<br />
<br />
Two, and this is where there might be anger directed at me...the first statement needs to be taken seriously.<br />
<br />
As long as we continue to blame our parents for the choices we make now, as adults, we never have to take responsibility for our choices. Yet we want our parents to take responsibility for what they did to us, never taking into account that they may well be using the same excuse.<br />
<br />
As long as we continue to blame our parents for the choices we make now, we give up our power. We basically throw our hands in the air and say, I give up. You control me. I will forever be tied to you. You own me.<br />
<br />
As long as we continue to blame our parents for the choices we make now, we limit our potential. In fact, we completely constrict our potential. Potential that is limitless.<br />
<br />
We can choose for hardship to define us or we can define the hardship. We can find a way to bring purpose to what we endured. We can walk a path of choice or forge a new, uncharted one. The choice is ours. Always. No matter what we lived through as children.<br />
<br />
Blame gets you nowhere. It keeps you stuck. And it keeps you tied to the very people you don't want to be tied to. So for the sake of your own health and well-being, stop playing the blame game,.<br />
<br />
You are <i>not</i> limited by what you endured. Be <i>empowered</i> by it.<br />
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Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-20908548329447389702014-05-30T07:55:00.001-07:002014-05-30T07:55:03.933-07:00Clear the Clutter Once and For All<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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We can't change what we don't acknowledge. Wise words from Dr Phil. If we don't acknowledge that we have clutter, then we are doomed to live in it. And all the misery that clutter brings. Including negative and blocked energy. <br />
<br />
Yesterday's post, <a href="http://blog.child-abuse-effects.com/2014/05/out-of-sight-is-not-out-of-mind.html" target="_blank">out of sight is not out of mind</a> was my acknowledgment that there is clutter in my house. That there is clutter in just about everyone's house, no matter how clean or immaculate it may seem.<br />
<br />
So how does one clear the clutter once and for all?<br />
<br />
Words mean everything. If we label something "work", there's a very good chance we'll put off doing it. Call it a project. Or an adventure. Just don't call it cleaning out the basement or garage or some other area in your home that needs organizing and decluttering.<br />
<br />
Projects are important to me. It's how I'm wired. It's kind of like play for me. So the day before yesterday, I
made a commitment and set about my next project. That's how I chose to
refer to it: a project. To clear out the boxes of stuff. One box at a
time.<br />
<br />
I hauled out my shredder. Yes, I have a shredder.
And you should too. More on that further down.<br />
<br />
I began the process of shredding old cheques. Yes, I still have
some of those. At least I did. I shredded papers I've had for decades. The what-was-I-thinking-hanging-onto-all-this-paper stuff. The just-in-case stuff. <br />
<br />
Just in case the kids I had in my daycare 20+ years
ago somehow find me and want to see all that I wrote about their days in
daycare, what they ate, their mood, etc for 5 blessed years. All stuffed neatly
in bankers boxes. Now reduced to shredded strips headed for the recycle
bin. What <i>was</i> I thinking.<br />
<br />
I commandeered a large empty box for the pile of
non-personal papers, cardboard, anything that could find it's new
home...you guessed it...in the recycle bin. I filled the box. Twice.<br />
<br />
I
rifled through several large boxes. Made several piles. Got through more than a half dozen. Several more to go but making great progress.<br />
<br />
As
I clear the physical clutter, I feel physically better. Not to mention
freeing up my mind. As I go from one stacked box to another, I not only
expose and release that clutter, that stuffy stuff, I also expose that
hidden but oh-so-present niggling. You know the niggling I'm talking about. That there's something that must get done, but never seems to.<br />
<br />
There are a few tricks to all this clearing. Let me share them with you. <br />
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
</h3>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
</h3>
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
Five Steps to De-cluttering </h3>
<br />
To
clear the clutter, you must have a plan. Don't take on the whole
project or adventure all at once. That can be overwhelming. The idea is to clear out
one box or one small area at a time.<br />
<br />
<b>1. Set a timer for 15 minutes.</b> That's how long you'll give yourself to go through your first box or small area. This time limit will keep you laser focused.<br />
<br />
<b>2. Reorganize into piles that are manageable.</b> Recycle. Donate. File. Shred. Garbage.<br />
<br />
<b>3. Be ruthless about your stuff. </b>If you haven't seen or used it in over a year, let alone 5 or more, you don't need it.
Ask yourself if you love the object. If you take any longer than a
split second to say yes, you don't love it. So get rid of it. Recycle.
Donate. File. Shred. Or garbage. If you love it, show it respect by displaying and/or using it, not hiding it away.<br />
<br />
<b>4. </b><b>Deal with each pile. </b>When you've cleared the area or sorted through the box and put everything in piles<i>, </i>shred what needs to be shredded. Throw away what you've decided is garbage. Recycle or donate whatever you can. <a href="http://freecycle.org/">freecycle.org</a> is an online place where you can give away useable items. File what needs to be filed. If you wait to deal with these piles, the clutter just gets spread out and continues to sprawl.<br />
<br />
<b>5. Celebrate </b>once you've complete that one tiny element of the project or adventure. Do a dance. A victory lap. Or sing. Find a way to pat yourself on the back. Then go back another day to tackle yet another box or area.<br />
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: left;">
How to <i>stay</i> decluttered</h3>
<br />
<b>1. Create a file system </b>for your bills, receipts and other important papers. Store them in a proper file box or drawer. Not stacked. Organized so they're easy to locate. Just keep in mind that there is limited space in that box or drawer.<br />
<br />
<b>2. </b><b>Invest in a small shredder. </b>Identity theft is a real possibility, so protect yourself. Always shred your personal documents. Never throw them away or recycle them without first shredding.<br />
<br />
<b>3. Designate an area for recycling.</b> Be creative. For newspapers, I use a large basket with a handle. For other recyclables, two plastic garbage bins inside a laundry basket is perfect. If your city doesn't have a door-to-door program, contact your local city manager's office to find out where there is a recycling depot near you.<br />
<br />
<b>4. Deal with your stuff as it comes into the house. </b>Put it where it
belongs right away. And <i>not</i> in a box or a drawer or a room to be dealt with later. Remember: Recycle. Shred. File. Or garbage.<br />
<br />
<b>5. When you bring something into the house, get rid of 1 or 2
things right away. </b>Better yet, do this <i>before</i> you bring in something new. This will prevent the clutter from accumulating in the first place. This works for paid bills too. Assuming that you have not opted for the digital version. If you absolutely must keep 1 or 2 years worth of bills, shred the oldest bill every time you pay the current one.<br />
<br />
None of this is rocket science. It just takes a commitment. But if you do find yourself having to clear the clutter, don't call it work or anything work related. Dive into it with fervor and excitement of what you will experience when it's all done. Happy clearing!<br />
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Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-54401428312278941462014-05-29T11:36:00.002-07:002014-05-29T11:36:34.620-07:00Out of Sight is Not Out of Mind<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Most of us have a junk drawer. It's probably not too great a leap to say that most of us have a junk room. But many have junk in just about every room.<br />
<br />
It might be hard to believe but the vast majority of us are hoarders on some level. I'm not talking about those who can't move anywhere in their house for the piles of clutter stuffed in every available inch. The people who clearly fall under the compulsive or pathological category of hoarder, where their very lives are in danger. <br />
<br />
I'm talking about those who have a standard home but lack the time, wherewithal or organizational skills to put everything in its place, as well as get rid of stuff that is no longer useful or being used.<br />
<br />
I'm extremely well organized. Ask anyone who knows me. My house looks immaculate. And I'm pretty good about getting things to their proper places within our home. I'm also pretty good at stepping away from any emotional attachment. In fact, I don't really have an emotional attachment to things.<br />
<br />
But even with all the skills I possess, I still have clutter. It's just that my clutter is contained in boxes and totes. Neatly stacked. All wonderfully organized. But it's still <i>stuff.</i> Even the word is stuffy. Clogs up the sinuses just saying it. Such an apt word for what it is. <br />
<br />
In our home, stuff ends up in boxed homes because I'm often too busy to put it all away or get rid of it. Stuffing the stuff is a quick way to keep the illusion that the house is immaculate. Especially when our house is on the market.<br />
<br />
Most have heard the saying, out of sight out of mind. Not so with stuff. Oh sure. We're ready to delude ourselves. But truth be told, when our stuff is out of sight it's never entirely out of mind. It sits there collecting dust just like the rest of our stuff does. And it makes us feel crappy.<br />
<br />
Clutter possesses a negative energy. At the very least, it transmits a negative energy. Just consider how you feel when you happen upon a box stacked to the lid with various papers that you have to go through. Chances are, you go into avoidance.<br />
<br />
Avoidance is a very close cousin to denial. Rather than deal with what's <i>in</i> the box, we move the entire box so we don't have to look at it. Perhaps in a closet. Or under the stairs. Or if you're lucky enough to have one, in the attic. Behind the stuff we don't use often, but need access to every once in a while. Like our Christmas decorations.<br />
<br />
But this only works as long as we have the space to store all our stuff.<br />
<br />
Ever notice how we can live in a house that is loads big enough, but over the years, it seems to get smaller and smaller. We gradually fill in all the extra space, storage or otherwise, with stuff we need now but didn't seem to need when we first moved in.<br />
<br />
We acquire stuff for the children, for the hobbies, for the yard, for the house itself. For just about anything and everything. We utilize space on the floor. And when we no longer have floor space, we go up the walls. Some even hang their stuff from the ceiling!<br />
<br />
But our stuff can easily become energy vampires, draining us of the limited energy we already possess.<br />
<br />
Even though we hide our stuff in and behind other stuff, the clutter doesn't go away, physically or mentally, until we deal with it. I already know this. Most of us do. Yet we continue on the avoidance path because...well...we think it's easier than actually dealing with it. But that avoidance takes a toll.<br />
<br />
Clutter can cause <a href="http://thehealthyhoneys.com/can-clutter-affect-health/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>health problems</b></a> that range from anxiety and depression to allergies and stress-related conditions like heart disease and even cancer. Though I'm not going to call my stuff cancer-causing, I am ready to deal with it.<br />
<br />
I started yesterday. Got through half a dozen boxes. Still have several to go. But already I'm feeling more uplifted. Lighter. More energetic.<br />
<br />
Out of sight is not out of mind when it comes to clutter, but that clutter <i>can</i> drive you out of yours. Tomorrow I'll share with you my own personal strategy to clear the clutter once and for all.<br />
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Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-88576025170385531612014-05-23T08:46:00.003-07:002014-05-23T08:46:37.313-07:00Take The Weight Off Yourself<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
Unless you are one of the rare few who can eat anything and everything without ever gaining an ounce, chances are you struggle to keep your weight down. I know that's a very general statement, but it's true. We are a society that struggles with weight acceptance. At just about every weight.<br />
<br />
Those who are very thin are often told they are too thin. Or, <i>grab yourself a sandwich!</i><br />
<br />
If you carry a lot of extra weight, you are viewed as unworthy and disgusting, disgusting as that is. You have to contend with disapproving and judgmental people telling you, <i>don't you think you'd better put that sandwich down! </i><br />
<br />
But whether you carry no extra weight, some extra weight or a lot of extra weight, it's what you tell yourself that matters most.<br />
<br />
If you are very thin, you may be looking for ways to gain weight. And what you say to yourself can be just as destructive as someone's self-talk who's weight challenges are more, if you'll excuse the pun...hefty. <br />
<br />
If you carry a few extra pounds, perhaps you complain about your clothes not fitting or not feeling right. <i>Gotta lose those Christmas pounds so that I can feel good again.</i> But within this group are also the ones who never get to a comfortable weight. Not because they can't lose the weight, but because they are never happy with their bodies.<br />
<br />
In truth, are any of us ever happy with our bodies? <br />
<br />
Women typically do not accept their bodies, no matter how it looks. But there is a <a href="http://www.upworthy.com/the-story-behind-one-of-the-best-before-and-after-photos-ive-ever-seen?g=2&c=ufb1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>movement </b></a>going on that hopes to change all that. A movement where women learn to love their bodies, no matter what they look like. Bless the wonderful woman behind this movement.<br />
<br />
I'm among the women who struggle with body acceptance. And I've had to contend with society's disgust when I took up more room than deemed appropriate. <br />
<br />
As a very young woman, I ballooned to over 300 pounds. And if you think<i> </i>that losing the weight changed the way I criticize my body, think again. My skin didn't bounce back in the way I'd hoped after losing some 150+ pounds. At least not in certain areas. Stretch marks are a constant reminder of how I buried my pain all those years ago. I look great in clothes. But I break out in hives then a cold sweat at the thought of putting on a bathing suit for all to see.<br />
<br />
But we women are not alone in the weighty issues department.<br />
<br />
A male Facebook friend is trying to lose weight. And he's taken to doing it publicly through social networking sites in an effort to bring some accountability to the process. He believes it will help him not only lose the weight, but keep it off. All the more power to him if he chooses vulnerability as an accountability tool.<br />
<br />
But alongside this tool of accountability is another more insidious device: the all-knowing, tattletale, nefarious scale.<br />
<br />
If the scale tells him he's lost a couple of pounds, it's time to celebrate (presumably, not with extra calories) and he feels great about himself.<br />
<br />
But if the scale tells him a different story, he's heavy with guilt and shame. If he's the same weight after he's denied himself of what he really wants to eat all week long and gone to the gym 5 out of 7 days, he needs the support of everyone on Facebook to cope with his disappointment.<br />
<br />
Heaven forbid if he's gained a pound or two. Self-loathing, depression even, becomes the order of the day.<br />
<br />
I suggested he ditch the scale in favour of eating healthy with a focus on feeding himself what he actually needs. And yes, that includes anything that goes beyond food. "Not an option," he replied. "I need the scale to keep me honest."<br />
<br />
My heart bled for him. I felt the pain of the trap he has set for himself. The pain of failure and defeat. But mostly, the pain of not being enough.<br />
<br />
So if you must lose weight, for reasons of health or out of a sense of feeling more comfortable in your clothes, always do so with complete comfort in your skin. Take the weight off yourself by being kind and loving to your body.<br />
<br />
And if you absolutely must use a scale, use it wisely. Not as a device that gives you permission to feel good about yourself when it tells you the story you want to hear. Better yet, put it away. But if you can't put it away, stick it to the ceiling!<br />
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Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-1273534259719011002014-05-22T09:22:00.001-07:002014-05-22T09:22:40.274-07:00What Are You Waiting For?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
Have you ever had a dream to do something, a dream so intense that it has had an unrelenting hold on you? But then, when you try to realize that dream, there seem to be forces coming from all sides intent on stopping that dream from coming to fruition? <br />
<br />
Maybe it was a naysayer who had you believing that you couldn't do it. Or someone telling you it was against the rules.<br />
<br />
Maybe it was a nonsayer, someone who was quietly apathetic when you needed them to be openly supportive.<br />
<br />
Or maybe it was the elements and/or the actions/inactions of others that you were necessarily dependent upon in order to realize your dream.<br />
<br />
I'll go out on a limb here. I think most of us feel compelled in some way, only to find challenges that halt our progress. But are those challenges actually haling our progress? Or are we <i>allowing </i>those challenges to halt our progress?<br />
<br />
It's easy to blame outside forces or others when things don't go our way. And I'm no different than most of you. I too find myself slipping on occasion, believing the thoughts that prevent me from realizing my dream(s).<br />
<br />
Our house has been on the market for quite some time. Much much longer that I ever anticipated. Almost 2 years before we took it off the market to update our kitchen last summer. Now approaching another 6 months with a top agent in our community.<br />
<br />
Given that we live in a strata complex that caters to an older demographic, the multi-split-level of our main living space that was so popular in the late 80's, early 90's is now proving detrimental to its sale. People in their 60's don't want to contend with so many stairs, no matter how many times they're told how physically beneficial they are to them. <br />
<br />
Originally, we were selling in order to move to the eastern part of Canada for my business. But when it took longer than 6 months to sell the house, those business opportunities dried up. But we decided to keep it on the market because the more I thought about it, the more compelled I was to own a home where I could plant a garden.<br />
<br />
The first summer on the market came and went. Then the second. I blamed not being able to have a garden on the fact that our home wasn't selling. And on the rules of living in a strata complex.<br />
<br />
But then I started thinking a little differently. Instead of focusing on what I couldn't have or wasn't allowed to do, I began to focus on what I <i>could</i> do.<br />
<br />
We have a fairly large patio just off our family room. A patio that is completely closed in. What would stop me from building some planters and planting a garden there?<br />
<br />
So that's what I did. Last year, I built 8 cedar planters that are approximately 4' long by 1.5' wide by about 16" deep. I was successful at growing some things, not so successful at others. A lack of bees stopped the beans and zucchini from developing, but I had great success with peppers, Swiss chard, baby bok choi and radishes. The main drawback was being a slave to the watering process.<br />
<br />
This year, in spite of the fact that our house is still on the market, I decided that I would install an irrigation system that would automatically give the vegies the drinks they so desperately need. <br />
<br />
No matter the weather. No matter the sale or non-sale of our home. No matter the forces, including the disapproving eye of the neighbour immediately west of us, I refuse to allow those forces to interfere with my dream of gardening. In other words, <i>screw it, I'm gardening.</i><br />
<br />
We can choose to wait for the perfect circumstances to happen and give away our power. Or we can choose to work within the system and take that power to an unexpected place. Either way, we get to <i>choose.</i><br />
<br />
So what are <i>you</i> waiting for?<br />
<br />
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Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-54625235353220101562014-05-16T10:16:00.000-07:002014-05-16T10:16:03.278-07:00Does A Woman Have the Right to Breathe?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />Does a woman have the right to breathe? That was one of the questions discussed at the 192nd meeting of the Council of Islamic Ideology earlier this spring. If, and I do capitalize the word IF, there is truth in the deeply disturbing answer, woman have once again been targeted. But in a way that none of us ever dreamed possible.<br />
<br />
The Council deemed that <a href="http://www.pakistantoday.com.pk/2014/03/15/comment/coucil-of-islamic-ideology-declares-womens-existence-anti-islamic/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>women do not have the right to exist</b></a>. That women have no inherent right to breathe. That only a woman's husband or male guardian can determine whether or not she is <i>permitted </i>to<i> </i>breathe. Which means that her life can be snuffed out at any time, without consequences.<br />
<br />
This Council, in their infinite wisdom, also determined that there should be no minimum age to marry for a girl. Which means that girls as young as 9 years of age, quite possibly younger, can and should be married off. Of course, married off to old men who are nothing more than pedophiles who would further blame females for those pedophelic urges. <br />
<br />
Yes, I realize this is information coming from a part of the world most of us know very little about. When I first read about this ruling in the article above, at first I wondered if it was published by the satirical publisher, <i>The Onion.</i> I keep hoping that it really is a spoof, albeit, a decidedly tasteless one.<br />
<br />
I want to leave room for the possibility that there is no truth to this story, because when such information does come out, it's very easy to hate the entire culture. Or to use broad brush strokes to define every Muslim. I simply don't believe that most men of the Muslim faith carry such extreme hateful views about women. <br />
<br />
But as a woman myself, I must ask some pointed questions: What is it about women that men the world over fear? Not every man, but so many of the men in power?<br />
<br />
Why is it that women and our rights are always
being suppressed by dictatorial legislators and religious leaders, zealots actually,
in just about every culture on the planet?<br />
<br />
What do men fear about women
that brings their wrath, manipulation and condemnation bearing down on
half the world's population?<br />
<br />
Women are seemingly
always at fault. Women are blamed when someone else assaults them. When
men have lustful thoughts about them. And now, in what is the most vile
and horrifying ruling ever to be made about gender equality, the very
existence of women is purportedly against the law somewhere on our planet.<br />
<br />
Maybe not our law. But we have our own, watered down version of extremism happening in our own back yard. Perhaps less so in Canada. Not so less so with our neighbours to the south.<br />
<br />
So many of the men in power in the USA believe that they have the right to legislate not just women's rights, but women in general.<br />
<br />
They want to either limit or ban contraception. They want to limit or ban the right for a woman to choose whether or not to have a child.<br />
<br />
And when they can't actually remove the right because of another perhaps federal law that trumps their sinister agenda, they instead remove anything that provides a woman with information, services or access to what she needs in order to exercise that right.<br />
<br />
There are even those who would ban women getting an education. Yes, even in the USA.<br />
<br />
They would also ban a women from voting, a right fought for and won less than a century ago, because they believe women are the ones responsible for the lack of conservatism in the country. That women are somehow lesser than because they care about the lives of others.<br />
<br />
Is this what drives such men to hate us women? Is this what is at the core of their fear?<br />
<br />
Is it our ability to communicate from a heart-centered place? Our ability to be agents of change? Our ability to give birth? Is is our sensuality that men find intimidating? I think I may be getting closer here.<br />
<br />
The men who are the most extreme are the ones who fear what they cannot themselves control. So they exert that control in the only way they can. By legislating against women.<br />
<br />
Religion is usually at the center of these powerful men. But these so-called powerful men are not powerful at all when we consider that their ideas come from a place of fear. It's fear that is the driving force behind their hatred and dominating agenda.<br />
<br />
But women are waking up and rising up. And men are accompanying them. Men who are not the mental midgets of extremist dictatorial legislators and religious zealots. Men who are strong in their character and purpose. Women and men together, side by side, taking the reins to ensure that all are truly equal. That we <i>all </i>have the right to exist and breathe. No matter where we live. No matter our gender. Male. Female. Or something in between.<br />
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Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-72909683459507645802014-05-15T09:10:00.000-07:002014-05-15T09:10:00.948-07:00Is There Too Much Money in Violence?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
Whatever happened to our ability to shake hands and congratulate an opponent with a sportsman-ly "good luck", heartfelt or not, after a hard-played game? Whatever happened to our ability to be civil after losing a game against a rival team when the stakes are high? Whatever happened to the ability for team members to be respectful to one another and <i>not</i> issue threats of violence?<br />
<br />
For those who don't follow hockey, it's been reported that Boston Bruins' Milan Lucic uttered a gem of a sentiment to Montreal Canadiens' Dale Weise during the handshake line at the end of losing game 7 of the series: "I'm going to f***ing kill you next year."<br />
<br />
I don't care how emotional a series gets. It is highly inappropriate for any team member to utter threatening words to an opponent after any game, regardless of the stakes.<i></i> The rest of us would be investigated by the authorities if we spewed such hateful threats to say, a neighbour.<br />
<br />
In the age of up-to-the-minute reporting, reporters digging for juicy off-camera comments, and cameras-in-everyone's-hands for gotcha opportunities, unflattering images and violence are going to go public, if not viral. Everyone must know that.<br />
<br />
So what that tells me are at least three things:<br />
<br />
One, that some people just can't control their anger and hostility. In fact, some make a living on their anger.<br />
<br />
Two, they just don't care to control their anger and hostility. Again, when you make a living off your anger, like for example, being a goon on a team where they expect you to rough up your opponent, it may well be difficult to turn that off. Not to mention, that when you're "goon material", something is already wrong.<br />
<br />
Three, they purposely want their uncontrolled anger and hostility to be broadcast for some other gain. Once again, there is something else going one when anger and hostility become the norm and someone wants that to be publicized.<br />
<br />
I can remember watching NFL right-winger Theo Fluery on the ice just pummeling someone without any concern for the harm and injury he was causing. He was what's known as an "agitator". I knew in my heart that something wasn't right. That there were other issues at play.<br />
<br />
In 2011, Fluery's <a href="http://proicehockey.about.com/od/history/a/Theoren-Fleury-Victim-Impact-Statement.htm" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>victim impact statement </b></a>was read in court at the sentencing hearing for Graham James, the pedophile who sexually abused him, and others, for years.<br />
<br />
I knew it had to be something like this. And I for one was delighted that Fluery finally released the shame that kept this secret hidden and kept him in pain for so long. This was the time to use his public image for good, and good he did. He and others before him, like Sheldon Kennedy, may never know the full impact their courage has brought to other boys in sports. They are both role models for very different purposes now.<br />
<br />
So, when it comes to Milan Lucic's threatening comments against an opponent, I'm not going to call for sanctions against him. I'm calling for answers. This is a man who in his own disconnected self-coping destructive way is crying for help. What is it in his life that is eating him up? What is it that's he's keeping secret? What can be done to help him?<br />
<br />
The sad fact is, there are too many people making money off of his agitator ways for anyone to ask those questions, because there is too much money in violence.<br />
<br />
And the fans hold responsibility here too.<br />
<br />
As long as people eat up the hype, as long as they continue to dole out their hard-earned moola to see him "lose it" on-ice, no one will insist on changes. Until it is deemed that he went too far, which is when profits will begin to dry up, which is when change will happen. But not because those who make money from him care about him. They don't give a crap about him.<br />
<br />
And as long as Mr Lucic believes he must keep these deeply hidden secrets, as long as shame keeps him deathly quiet, as long as the team and the league are complicit in keeping him in shame and secrecy, he will not ask for the help he needs.<br />
<br /> <br />
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Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-14462400900281321622014-05-14T08:54:00.001-07:002014-05-14T08:54:43.808-07:00Stop Blaming Women!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
We teach children that there are consequences for their actions. That when they do something wrong, they will be held accountable. But when it comes to the sexuality and libidinous thoughts of men, young and old, our rape culture adds a waiver to the lesson: It's all the girl's fault.<br />
<br />
We live in a culture that punishes women for their sexuality. A
culture that blames women for the way men lust after them. A culture
where young girls are held responsible when young--and not so
young--guys act on their urges without consent.<br />
<br />
What she wears. How she carries herself. How she moves. How much skin, cleavage or leg is showing. How big her breasts are. How shapely her buttocks. Where she was at the time. What she was doing before. This is how we determine whether or not a guy is responsible for his sexual behaviour. We always look to blame the girl.<br />
<br />
And God help her if she is sexually active.<br />
<br />
Consider <b><a href="http://www.dallasnews.com/news/crime/headlines/20140501-judge-say-14-year-old-who-was-sexually-assault-wasn-t-the-victim-she-claimed-to-be.ece" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">the judge</a> </b>who sentenced a man to 5 years probation without also including many restrictions that are typically issued to sex offenders after he admitted that he raped a 14-year-old girl. A girl who repeatedly said no. The judges reason? Because the girl was sexually active and she thought the 14-year-old "wasn't the victim she claimed to be".<br />
<br />
Shaking my head.<br />
<br />
I can't ask, when did this happen because it has always been like this. Sure there are a few cases that get reported and go to trial and a conviction is successful. But there are a miniscule number of rapists who ever see jail time.<br />
<br />
The people in authority are adding to the problem when, as a means of prevention, we have police officers who tell young women "not to dress like sluts". And now we have judges who during the sentencing phase of a trial tell all girls that saying no means nothing.<br />
<br />
Girls are taught that we have all this sexual power. And then we are punished for having it when men can't stop the explosive blood flow to their nether regions.<br />
<br />
You might have read the article about the 17-year-old teen that was thrown out of her Richmond Homeschool Prom because the 45-year-old dads that were sitting in a balcony, creepily chaperoning all the teens were lusting after her. Read the full story <b><a href="http://aattp.org/christian-homeschool-dads-get-girl-kicked-out-of-prom-because-they-cant-stop-lusting-after-her/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a></b>.<br />
<br />
I can still remember my own mother telling me in one breath that I must be a virgin when I get married. And in another, telling me that if I get a man worked up (her words for horny...and notice how the blame for him getting worked up was on me, not him) I'd better "give it to him" (her words for give up my virginity). She went on to explain that a man could actually die from not getting sex.<br />
<br />
It sounded like bullsh*it to me even then. Perhaps because I didn't have a whole lot of respect for much of what my mother told me, with good reason. But the fact is, it <i>is </i>bullsh*it. All of it.<br />
<br />
Men are perfectly capable of keeping it in their pants. They are
perfectly capable of using their brains to control their lustful
thoughts. But too many still believe otherwise because so many religions
have adopted the tales of the sexual siren, the vixen, the seductress.<br />
<br />
Women are now taking to the spotlight to bring more needed awareness to this deeply troubling issue.<br />
<br />
In a campaign geared to show the right way to respond to excuses for rape, <a href="http://www.policymic.com/articles/89217/31-women-show-us-the-right-way-to-respond-to-common-excuses-for-rape" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>31 women</b></a> send the message that <i>rape is not the victim's fault</i>. As a professional speaker and leading authority on the subject of sexual assault, but mostly as a woman, I commend and applaud their activism.<br />
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Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-11633092025454550352014-05-13T08:29:00.002-07:002014-05-13T08:29:23.693-07:00Dress Up or Dress Down?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjenPUmOaa9y7hcwahmW1m9lmI3LKpaBmpnxi4aYDB_irjuWgj_O9vjTTuAQBXFrHaM0p56GlZT2BQHeTxFBoOLa4xBdIS9AfTsicFkXmf0eo5ncpbj2nZ5S1Mt55xQHo6Uiw1brrWYHbEg/s1600/BlogMay13.14GenderStereotypes.jpeg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Dress Up or Dress Down?" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjenPUmOaa9y7hcwahmW1m9lmI3LKpaBmpnxi4aYDB_irjuWgj_O9vjTTuAQBXFrHaM0p56GlZT2BQHeTxFBoOLa4xBdIS9AfTsicFkXmf0eo5ncpbj2nZ5S1Mt55xQHo6Uiw1brrWYHbEg/s1600/BlogMay13.14GenderStereotypes.jpeg.jpg" height="320" title="Dress Up or Dress Down?" width="200" /></a></div>
At what point do we say, oh for goodness sake enough already? At what point do we stand up and tell the naysayers, the condemners, the haters that their position is not only wrong, but harmful? At what point do we stop pigeon-holing toward one gender or another?<br />
<br />
You may have been with me for the first two lines. Perhaps not so much for the third.<br />
<br />
We live in a world where societies expect girls to be one way, boys another. Well-intentioned parents who want what they think is best for their children train them toward a specific gender to prepare them for the world as they see it. After all, who wants their child to go through pain and agony as a result of going against what is considered "normal".<br />
<br />
But what exactly is <i>normal?</i><br />
<br />
Most of us hold some responsibility for the way society thinks. We've bought into what has been deemed the norm. We get stuck in gender stereotypes and buy trucks for boys and dolls for girls without even checking to make sure that's the preference of the child. We're getting better overall, but we've still got such a long way to go.<br />
<br />
Last week, a 5-year-old from the U.K. was<b> <a href="http://www.takepart.com/article/2014/05/08/adorable-5-year-old-boy-who-wears-princess-dresses-gets-kicked-out-school-program?cmpid=tp-ptnr-upworthy" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">booted out</a></b> of his church-run after-school program because he committed the
reprehensible sin of wearing a princess outfit. It reminded me of a situation I had to deal with many years ago when I operated a child daycare.<br />
<br />
One little boy in my care used to love dressing up in silky skirts and tops from the dress-up box in the play room. He'd pranced around screeching with unbridled delight, "I'm a fairy princess, I'm a fairy princess." His mother and I were unconcerned and simply encouraged his self expression. His father, on the other hand, was mortified when he learned of his sons play preference.<br />
<br />
He demanded I cease and desist because in his words, "it will turn my boy <i>funny</i>", his word for gay. A thieving pirate, a sword-yielding musketeer or a gun-toting cowboy were all perfectly acceptable and <i>manly.</i><br />
<br />
The fact that this little boy loved silky clothes and princess stories and fantasy would not turn him gay. This child was either gay or he wasn't. To limit his expression as a result of some archaic belief was to limit a passion that this child could use in his future. Not to mention there is nothing wrong with being gay. <br />
<br />
But his father was so wrapped up in his own fear and expectations that he couldn't and wouldn't see how harmful he was being. He refused to believe that he was telling his son that there was something wrong with him. What he wanted was his son to be a "normal" boy.<br />
<br />
But normal is overrated. Normal is what a group of people have deemed a
standard. When enough people exhibit a certain standard, that standard
is adopted by the whole. But as Morticia of Addams Family fame once
said, "What's normal for the spider is chaos for the fly."<br />
<br />
It's all about perspective.<br />
<br />
<b><a href="http://www.upworthy.com/that-boy-people-told-not-to-act-like-a-girl-hes-got-something-to-say?c=ufb1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Gender expectations</a></b> tell children who are different that they are not enough.That unless they change, they will never <i>be</i> enough. The adolescent male with the high-pitched voice, or the reverse, the female youth with the deep voice, are both regarded as blatantly different in a negative way. We make judgments about their sexuality as a result of their appearance, the way they sound and their very presence.<br />
<br />
We are all unique in some way. When we as a society decide that each of us must conform to what is considered "normal" looks, behaviour and preferences, we rob the world of much-needed musicians, artists, choreographers, comedians, creative and expressive geniuses of every kind.<br />
<br />
I say damn the gender stereotypes. Pink or blue, frilly or silky, whatever is in between. Let kids dress up the way they want to.<br />
<br />
It's time to dress down the naysayers, the conformists and the haters. It's time to accept children as they are and to encourage expressive and creative behaviours that show us <i>who </i>they are. Beautiful little beings that the world is lucky to have.<br />
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Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6357688811974718594.post-53284718570044863162014-05-12T08:04:00.000-07:002014-05-12T08:29:28.707-07:00Emotions Impact Even Our Tears<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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How do you cope when things go unexpectedly wrong? Do you get angry and cuss up a storm? Do you react more firmly and deliberately than you would otherwise? Do you drop into a puddle of tears? Maybe all of the above, depending on what has gone wrong?<br />
<br />
Whether it's an event you are attending, or a project you've undertaken crap happens.
No matter how positive you are (most of us are not Eckhardt Tolle or Byron Katie) your best laid plans can go awry at
any time. How you deal with the stress of it is what's important. And each of us deals
in a different way.<br />
<br />
Males and females tend to cope with stressful situations differently. But both experience the stress nonetheless.<br />
<br />
Generally speaking, males tend to be more outward. They get angry. Likely, at least in part, because we still teach boys that it's not okay to cry. And though I'm not male, growing up I <i>was</i> taught that crying was weakness, even when there was plenty of reason to bawl my eyes out. So crying isn't usually my first response.<br />
<br />
Of course, my upbringing didn't prevent me from crying at all. It enhanced the experience! When you live in a no-crying zone, it often takes the experience into the shadows, where it is somewhat safer. At least it did with me.<br />
<br />
The human body cries out (pardon the pun) for release. The pressure builds and builds. And if one doesn't allow the release of the dam, the consequences are often more painful and strike in every aspect of our lives.<br />
<br />
When stuff goes unexpectedly wrong, I get upset. Just like most people. Especially when I've worked really hard on a project that either has not come together the way I intended or if the expected results are short lived. And then, depending what else is going on in my life, I sometimes move from being upset to being angry.<br />
<br />
I never get angry enough to hurt someone. But I do get angry enough to toss a garden hose more firmly to the ground than need be. Or plunk down a bucket or jug with more fervour than required. Even with meditation, yoga and regular exercise, I'm still not immune to these short-lived flashes of anger. Though I'm working on it.<br />
<br />
Eventually the emotions overtake me. Which of course is fueled by the story I tell myself in the moment. <i>All this work and now I have so much more work to fix the fix before I can fix the original problem!</i><br />
<br />
This is a pattern with me. I take on projects around the house that require fixing or maintenance. I do all the necessary prep work. I then apply whatever product I'm using<i> </i>for the fix. Only to find that somewhere along the piece, I'm having to redo redo redo. This "pattern" will be a topic for another post, because today I want to share something I learned over the weekend about tears. Yes, tears. Especially since tears were a part of my weekend garage floor project. Another day's post.<br />
<br />
Technology has now made it possible to see what we could never before see. I've never before seen <b><a href="http://www.rose-lynnfisher.com/tears.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">what tears look like under a microscope</a></b>. Until Saturday.<br />
<br />
In what is sure to be considered ground-breaking work, micro-photographer Rose-Lynn Fisher shows us that tears of stress look very different than tears of laughter or tears of change or grief.<br />
<br />
In her work, <i>The Topography of Tears, </i>I would say that the photo that struck me the most was what tears from onions produced. If I could use only two words to describe these kitchen-based tears it would be "cedar art".<br />
<br />
Tears of release resembled geography. Though part of it looked as though it was a picture of the lines of squares and rectangles of farmland taken from a plane. In fact, many of the extraordinary photos had me thinking that what I was looking at were satellite images and skyscapes. Check them out at the link in the paragraph above. They really are quite remarkable.<br />
<br />
Fisher's work reminded me of Japanese author and entrepreneur Dr Masaru Emoto. He was the first to capture the extraordinary effect <b><a href="http://www.masaru-emoto.net/english/water-crystal.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">emotions have on water</a></b>. Dr Emoto microscopically photographed the molecular changes in the crystal formations of water after it was exposed to anger, hate, love, prayer, etc.<br />
<br />
Dr Emoto's book <i>The Hidden Messages in Water</i> drove the point home with me that our emotions, our consciousness, our very intentions affect the water around us. Considering that our bodies are made up of about 60% water, it is not
at all surprising that our tears would also be affected by our
emotions.<br />
<br />
How does knowing this help us?<br />
<br />
We can no longer live our lives oblivious to how our actions and reactions affect what is around us and within us. Even the stuff we don't see.<br />
<br />
Everything we say and do, every emotion we feel and the way we process and express that emotion has an impact on the world in which we live. Both within us and without.<br />
<br />
Even "without" is a bit of a misnomer because we are connected to everything. To each other. To everything that surrounds us.<br />
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Process what grips you. Don't allow it to fester. And it <i>will </i>fester if you try to suppress it. Don't judge. Just allow the flow of whatever you're feeling.<br />
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Bring on the tears! Create the art that your tears bring. We are here in part to experience our emotions. So experience them. And when you do, they will no longer grip you. They will release so that you can move onto the next experience. With or without tears.<br />
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Darlene Barrierehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06241246406456226489noreply@blogger.com2