Today hubby and I celebrate our wedding anniversary. It doesn't seem possible that it's already been 33 years. It hardly seems possible that our lives together have been so...well, damn good.
It's no secret that I came from a very abusive family. A family that was so dysfunctional that growing up it was tough to believe in marriage. And for a time in my teenage years I swore up and down I would never get married.
My mother made it known to me that I would never find a man who would love me. I was just that unlovable, according to her. And though I believed her at the time, I eventually came to a place where I knew I was not only lovable. I was a catch!
So what has made our marriage work when so many others have failed? These are my top five:
1. Balance of Power:Think of power as a teeter totter. When there is balance, both ends are even. When one person has more control in the relationship, the ends are uneven. In hubby's and my relationship, power is in balance.
2. Self-esteem:People with healthy self-esteem trust their judgment and stick to their personal values. Hubby and I both have healthy self-esteem. We expect to be treated with dignity and respect. And we treat each other with dignity and respect.
3. Trust:Trust implies an unquestioning belief in someone or something. It's basically emotional security. But don't mistake trust with confidence. Confidence implies that trust is present for very good reason. It's evidence of being trustworthy, which is based on past experience; the partner has proven themselves worthy of trust because of their actions. I trust hubby. He trusts me. And neither of us want to jeopardize that trust.
4. Intimacy:Intimacy is tough to define. It isn't always tangible. Most think of intimacy as sexual, but intimacy is actually emotional. It can be different for each couple. Both hubby and I show how much we care by doing things for one another. Hugs and cuddles are also a part of our daily lives together.
5. Ability to negotiate – compromise:The nature of being human is that we don't always agree. It doesn't have to be personal. It's just that each of us has our own ideas, thoughts and ways of doing things. These ideas and preferences don't always blend well with the ideas and preferences of our partners. Hubby and I learned early on in our marriage the importance of compromise. The importance of seeing each others point of view.
I love hubby more today than the day I married him. And I loved him to pieces then. Thank you for 33 wonderful years, handsome. Here's to 33 more!