Thursday, October 17, 2013

Getting Past The Denial of Why Me?

Getting Past Why Me?

If you've ever been through something traumatic or have suffered some type of loss you've probably asked, "why me?" It's a natural response. It comes from the very human way we deal with anything surreal. Anything our brains can't fathom.

Asking "why me?" also presupposes that terrible things only happen to bad people. But that's just not true. Awful things happen to people good, bad and indifferent.

Questioning "why me?" has about as much chance of changing how we'll deal with things as kicking, screaming or yelling at someone. None of these options does anything to help us either cope or move beyond the effects of our trauma or loss.

Although kicking and screaming may help you vent and release some tension, it still won't help you move forward. In fact, it can set you back. Not to mention the real possibility of hurting yourself.

The way to get past the denial of "why me?" is through acceptance. Acceptance that what happened did happen.

No, that doesn't mean giving up. It means being clear-headed enough to recognize what has happened to you. And when you give up denying, the fog can lift so you can start thinking of ways to better deal with the situation. Ways that truly cope with the loss.

If you stay in the denial of "why me?" you rob yourself of the opportunity to find out what you're really made of. How strong you really are. And you ARE strong. Very strong. Believe me.

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  1. I agree that "why me" does nothing to improve the situation. My question is "why not you?"
    During our lives we will all experience some form of trauma that is extremely uncomfortable. We must accept reality and find a positive way to move forward. Another common phrase is (s)he was born with a silver spoon in their mouth, well maybe their attitude has a lot to do with their success not just good luck.

    1. "Why not you?" IS the question that's always being asked when we ask "why me?" As though we're saying that it should be someone else. Not us. But in truth, as you say, Anonymous, we all experience some form of trauma. It's how we deal with it that determines whether we move forward or get stuck. Thank you for your insightful comments.


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