Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Forgiveness is For You

Forgiveness isn't for the person who harmed you. It's for you. It is letting go of the idea that the past can somehow be different. There is no changing what has already happened. We know this on a logical level. It's the emotional level that gets us every time. So let's examine what's really going on when we don't forgive.

When we withhold forgiveness, our ego has taken over and keeps us locked in a prison of our own doing. Each of us has the key to our prison, but our egos take over with a vengeance. We have an emotional attachment to having been wronged. And the ego seeks justice, even revenge. But it's not our job to seek justice or revenge.

When harm is done to someone, the Universe takes care of balancing the energies, in its own good time, on no one's schedule, with no input from anyone. That's not punishment or justice, it's simply a Universal Law. But when we hold onto the ego's version of what should have happened, we are living in a reality that doesn't exist. We were harmed by the actions of someone else. There is nothing we can do to change that.

Forgiveness is the key to unlocking the otherwise impossible to open prison door. But what about the key to forgiveness?

Forgiveness doesn't mean that what the person did was okay. What was done was not okay and will never be okay. Forgiveness doesn't mean we have to have a relationship with the person who harmed us. Heck, chances are the person who harmed us isn't even alive anymore. This is especially true if we were wronged in childhood.

When we understand the ego's hold on us and why, we can re-frame the end result of the wrongdoing. We can then ask ourselves, what positive attributes did this experience reveal about me?
  • I'm stronger than I realized.
  • I stood up for myself at a critical time.
  • I now know that I alone choose where my life is going.
I don't believe we let go of anything. I believe it's the other way around. The feelings let us go when we change our perspective. We can't change our feelings, but when we change what we think we automatically change what we feel, which ultimately changes how we act. Change your perspective. See the positive. See how you grew from the experience. Your feelings will take care of themselves.

Forgiveness is the gift you give to your Self. Forgiveness will take you from broken to broken open, where compassion and understanding will thrive. And so will you.

What is the positive about yourself that you can take away from a hurtful experience?


  1. That was absolutely beautifully expressed Darlene. I so agree with everything that you said about changing your perspective and how when we forgive someone who has hurt us so deeply, we are then released from the prison that is keeping us; whether it be pain or fear or depression.

    The Maker of the Universe then makes it possible for us to be released from this self made prison we find ourselves in. This is the freedom we've been searching for.

    The Maker of the Universe, who has put these laws into place, then gives us a peace that passes all understanding and guards our hearts and minds through his son whom he has given to us if we but reach out our hands, our hearts, our whole being; to receive him into our lives.

    Then we can begin to reign in life, confidently knowing that we are complete in Him. What a joy to know that Jesus fulfills all our deepest needs. Then we can’t help but make our boost in the Lord our God.

  2. Thank you for sharing your personal beliefs, Ruth. Namaste.

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