Friday, April 4, 2014

The 7 B's of Healing From Target Child Selection

The 7 B's of Healing From Target Child Selection
Parents who target a specific child for abuse are often shielded from scrutiny because of the "problem child" syndrome. This is the child who is seen as difficult to manage. The child who is viewed as troublesome. Or headstrong. Or resistant to expectations, like potty training.

Targeted child abuse is not as rare is it was once considered to be.

Parents often bring other children within the family into the abusive fold. They groom their other children to see the difficult sibling as the problem child. Parents in such families encourage bullying of the targeted child.

It's not long before the entire family begins to see the targeted child as unworthy of dignity, respect or love. But rather, worthy of scorn, belittling and even abusive treatment. It is not unusual for these siblings to be given license to harm the targeted child, without fear of consequences.

The damage done to the targeted child is multifaceted and often lifelong. The child suffers psychologically at both the hands of the parent and his or her siblings. And in some cases, extended family members, as well.

But the abusive or bullying siblings are also damaged. They have a skewed idea of what is appropriate behaviour towards another. They have been strategically taught to believe their brother or sister is deserving of harsh treatment, even mistreatment. And this core belief lasts well into adulthood.

There are many reasons that a parent targets a specific child for abuse. And though understanding why a parent chooses to inflict harm onto a particular child within the family is important, we can't excuse such abusive behaviour.

In such families, it isn't only the selected target child who needs healing. The entire family needs healing.

But healing comes only to those who first see an issue that needs healing.

Since parents and siblings see nothing wrong with their inappropriate behaviours, even when they're adults, the abuse against the targeted child continues, with more psychological damage done to the now adult child. This perpetuates the "black sheep" label that so many adult survivors are straddled with.

There is hope for survivors of target child selection. Hope for healing, but only if they choose it.

Sometimes healing is a choice that is made not just once, but each and every day, throughout the day.

Anyone who is walking such a path knows that some days are much more challenging that others. It's what we choose on those challenging days that can mean the difference between moving onto the next level of healing and staying stuck in the past.

Yes, healing comes in graduated levels. Levels that look different for everyone on a healing path.

Graduation from one level to the next is simply an opportunity for deeper healing. So it's on those most challenging days that it becomes even more important to stay the healing course. To make the conscious choice for healing.
The best indicator of your level of consciousness is how you deal with life's challenges when they come. Through those challenges, an already unconscious person tends to become more deeply unconscious, and a conscious person more intensely conscious. You can use a challenge to awaken you, or you can allow it to pull you into even deeper sleep.
~Eckhardt Tolle
The 7 "B's" of healing:
  • Be patient with yourself.
  • Be accepting of yourself.
  • Be kind to yourself.
  • Be respectful to yourself.
  • Be compassionate with yourself.
  • Be forgiving of yourself.
  • Be the LOVE of Who You Really Are.
We are human beings, not human doings. So when you begin to walk along your own unique healing path, remember to just be.

When you are a human being, you begin to see that external forces are unnecessary for acceptance and approval. When you are a human being, you begin to see that you can give yourself what you always needed. And that is restorative and deeply healing. That is taking back your personal power.


  1. I've been in the same boat and, instead of protecting me, my parents have always allowed (and sometimes even encouraged) my older brother to beat me like a dog. You see, maybe due to my mild autism, I've always been the targeted one (always being seen as the problem child) while my brother is more of the golden child who, in my parents' eyes, could do no wrong. I have been an outcast to my family my whole life and I'd like to heal from it now. Anyway, thanks for this article; it really moved me.

    1. May you have continued healing and let go of the people that continue to hurt you over and over. It took me a long time to realize that I was manipulated and abused by my closest family when I was younger and I am just now fully opening my eyes to see what really happened to me and to stop being naive. I am awake now and letting go.

    2. Love, light and healing energy sent your way, to both Anonymous'.


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